22 daughter with BPD

[sagebrush]

My 22 year old daughter has BPD but she is not willing to accept it.  She has even been to treatment for it (Clearview Treatment Center in L.A.)  Nothing helps.  She doesn't live with me and we barely speak to each other because she is so volatile towards me.  Today she reached me through one of her friends phone numbers.  It's awful talking to her because she just screams at me and blames me for her life.  It's so hard to do this.  I'm so scared for her and for myself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi sagebrush and welcome to bpdfamily  

I'm glad you found us I'm sorry to hear what you are dealing with, you find many parents in similar situations to you - treatment resistant and volatile, blaming behaviours, parents here understand, you are not alone.  . As often said here we can change them, we can only make changes ourselves and do our best. How do you respond when your daughter rages at you, there are tools and lessons to your right   you may be familiar with?

You are so scared for her and you, can you share your feelings about this, it can really help to talk it through, we are here for you.

Hugs to you  

WDx

[sagebrush]

Thank you for your kind words!  I have set boundaries, listened with empathy, validated the valid, etc. etc.  Nothing works.  She cannot keep herself from becoming dysregulated when talking to me.  It is so tragic. We have a big loving family and I know she longs for all of us... .but she does the same screaming and blaming behavior at others (I get it the worst).  So everyone has put up boundaries. 
I need to work on radical acceptance but it is just so hard.  I am sad and feeling hopeless right now but it is helpful to read from you and others the site.
Back to work now... .thank you!