how do you move on?

[Irishgal14]

Hello everyone.  I stumbled across this site with the help of my therapist.  I cannot say how shocked I was when she brought out the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and I saw myself (and my child) in the pages.

I have a beautiful, smart, 24 year old daughter who in the last two years has turned into someone I hardly recognize.  I noticed the increase in "drama" during her freshman year of college and it has escalated immensely since.  When she returned home, following graduation, she was constantly angry... .everyone hated her... .no one was "good enough" to be her friend... .I wasn't supportive... .her failures were somehow my fault or the fault of her friends.  Let me back up a little and tell you that my daughter was assaulted at a party by a friend and my thoughts were that these emotional roller coaster rides were due to the depression from that assault.  I begged her to seek treatment following the assault and she did for a while, but even then was complaining that people didn't "have her back" and the therapist "didn't understand her."

Then in July, things escalated.  The police showed up at my house for a "welfare check" bc a friend had called concerned for my daughter's life. A week later, I got a call that every parent dreads... ."Mom, I've been arrested."  I was dumbfounded.  This high functioning, college graduate with aspirations to be a doctor had been arrested for reckless driving (100mph+) and DUI.  Of course, she denied everything.  The police eventually took her to the hospital for fear of her hurting herself... .but bc she is so bright, she was able to talk herself out of the ward in less than 12 hours.  When we got her home we learned that in addition to the drinking (which she still denies) there was also risky sexual behavior.

Long story short, I got re-married and she didn't approve so she has now moved in with her father and says that I am "dead to her" because i "made my choice."  (Her father gives her everything her heart desires (he is loaded and hates me with a passion) and I have no money to give.)  She has also contacted her brother and sister and forbade them from speaking to me (if they want a relationship with her).  Unfortunately, her sister is following that advice and only talks to me on a rare occasion.

So here i am... .heartbroken... .worried that any day I could get the call that my youngest daughter is dead.  I truly hope that i can find some hope on this site.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[whounderstandz]

Hi there, I feel your pain and like you my councillor told me about a book "Stop Walking On Eggshells" and that's how I found this site, like you as I was reading the book I see a lot of me and my daughter in every page. My heart is broken for her as yours is for your daughter, it's a long hard road but hopefully we all make it together to the end whatever or wherever that is. I'm here if you ever need to chat and always remember none of this is your fault, it's taking me a long time to know I did nothing wrong but every day I tell myself I'm not at fault... you need to tell yourself this every day. I'm getting there slowly and hopefully one day I'll believe this.

Take care and never stop thinking your a good mom.   

[Sadnhurt]

Hi Irishgal14
I feel for you... .when I read your message, I could relate to everything apart from the part about your daughter being arrested... .I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I as well saw changes in my daughter after she returned from her 'exchange year' in Brazil... .I date it back to then because it was then that I first noticed changes in her... .changes that she denies and says back to me, "why do you keep going back to that"... .so I have quit referencing that time as it seems to bring her a lot of rage and anger against me.

I as well found this site because of my therapist... .I am glad but sometimes feel that maybe I'm on the wrong path, maybe this isn't the right site for me... .maybe its the guilt, the 'my daughter has never been diagnosed so why am I here" thought.  I don't know... .all I do know is that her personality is difficult enough to not be able to keep friends, male or female... .and she's right about everything... .no one ever 'called her on it', she just continued to be right about everything. 

She is now 27 but as far back at 22, I can see how she treats others and I feel for them.  As for how she treats me, I just came to expect that was how she was going to treat me.  The drama was incredible... .no one was doing what she thought they should be doing... .'why is everyone I went to school with just  getting married, having babies, they're just settling'... .she found that so unbelievable they should be traveling while they can as a single person, not getting married and having babies.

It has escalated between us to be 'no contact' because I didn't do things the way she thought I should have... .but there is more to that I just don't want to go into that on my response to you... .

Just know that we are here for you... .if we can help, please reach out to us... .

Sadnhurt