His suicide attempt must have been so scary for you, doxblah. To go through that, and have two young kids -- together that is a lot. How are you holding up? Do you have people you can turn to for support? If not, I'm glad you reached out. People here really do care and understand.
It must be a small relief that you now have a diagnosis for some of the most confusing behaviors, and at the same time, it can be a lot to take in -- it's not an easy disorder to fully comprehend and psychiatrists don't do a great job explaining it to family members.
Meanwhile, reading about BPD on the internet can be very alarming
There are a lot of hurt people out there (understandably so).
Depersonalizing the attacks and rages can be very hard, and is an important step in making sense of the mental illness.
At the heart of the disorder is an inability to regulate emotions, which is why loved ones and interpersonal relationships receive the brunt of things -- people who mean the most trigger the most emotions.
He probably lacks a strong sense of self, so it takes very little for him to feel threatened, which causes him to lash out or withdraw. Right now, following a suicide attempt, he might be doing the best he can to regulate his emotions by withdrawing. His weak sense of self leads him to blame you, because recognizing himself as the source of his emotions would require having a stable identity.
I understand completely about your concerns with the kids. Most advice to help support kids starts with validation -- there is a book called Power of Validation, which focuses specifically on parents validating children.
My son inherited some of his dad's sensitive genotype, and validation was like a miracle cure. He will always be very emotionally sensitive, and as he feels more and more validated, he becomes better able to manage his emotions and ask for what he needs and wants.
How are the kids making sense of their dad's absence?
I'm glad you found the site
You are not alone.
LnL
