Recovery is a process, not an event. Sadly. So give it time. Yes, sometimes you'll have to kick yourself in the rear end to get yourself moving and motivated. Don't discount the value of an experienced counselor. Interview a few that accept your medical insurance so you can pick one you feel you can relate to and trust.
Many here also felt impelled to "stay for the kids". However, that didn't provide the children with a solid example of a proactive parent. In general, when we realize that the other parent is refusing to attend therapy and/or make progress in therapy then that typical translates into the demise of the relationship.
Living in a calm and stable home, even if only for part of their lives, will give the children a better example of normalcy for their own future relationships. Staying together would mean that's the only example of home life they would have known — discord, conflict, invalidation, alienation attempts, overall craziness, etc. Over 30 years ago the book Solomon's Children - Exploding the Myths of Divorce had an interesting observation on page 195 by one participant, As the saying goes, "I'd rather come from a broken home than live in one." Ponder that. Taking action will enable your lives, or at least a part of your lives going forward, to be spent be in a calm, stable environment — your home, wherever that is — away from the blaming, emotional distortions, pressuring demands and manipulations, unpredictable ever-looming rages and outright chaos. And some of the flying monkeys too.
