Short of leaving without warning, how can I get him to move out?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm new to this board, and I'm looking for the best way to leave a relationship. I've been married to someone who I think has BPD for over a year. Although I did love this person, I feel that now I was manipulated into marriage and doing a lot of other things like paying all the rent and bills, doing 90% of the housework, and being the responsible person. Over the course of the year, this person repeatedly has used threats of leaving, getting divorced, taking my dogs, throwing away all of my stuff when things don't go his way. He then later says he doesn't want to, that he just said it to get my attention or trying to get me to react. I am at the point now where I want to separate because I know it is not right to make threats in a relationship. Everytime I do bring it up, we get in a huge fight and what I say about taking a break or separating gets ignored. Short of just leaving without saying a word, how do i have an actual and real conversation about this that will result in him moving out?

[s_wolf]

I'm new to this board, and I'm looking for the best way to leave a relationship. I've been married to someone who I think has BPD for over a year. Although I did love this person, I feel that now I was manipulated into marriage and doing a lot of other things like paying all the rent and bills, doing 90% of the housework, and being the responsible person. Over the course of the year, this person repeatedly has used threats of leaving, getting divorced, taking my dogs, throwing away all of my stuff when things don't go his way. He then later says he doesn't want to, that he just said it to get my attention or trying to get me to react. I am at the point now where I want to separate because I know it is not right to make threats in a relationship. Everytime I do bring it up, we get in a huge fight and what I say about taking a break or separating gets ignored. Short of just leaving without saying a word, how do i have an actual and real conversation about this that will result in him moving out?

[formflier]

I'm sorry you have had a tough year of marriage.  Being married to someone with BPD traits makes you feel like your brain and feelings have been scrambled... sometimes you don't even know which way is up.

I want to assure you that you have found a safe place to gain more knowledge about this BPD thing you face.

Can you look to the right of your screen... click on "choosing a path" and do some reading.  The best bet is to spend a few days gaining knowledge.  Then... .perhaps... .your pathway will be a bit more clear.

For now... can you stop having conversations about separating with your pwBPD (person with BPD... .board shorthand)?  You will learn from your reading why these are tricky conversations.

FF

 

[RolandOfEld]

Hi s_wolf and let me join FF in welcoming you here. I am in the middle of planning for a separation myself so I can completely understand what you're going through. 

I am at the point now where I want to separate because I know it is not right to make threats in a relationship.

Kudos to you for realizing in a year what it took me almost ten to realize.

Seconding FF's suggestion that knowledge really is the first step, and you will find tremendous resources here in terms of the information and members here willing to share their experience. Conversations about relationship issues with a pwBPD can be intensely difficult and we need all the skills we can get before going into one.

~ROE