mother and uncle BPD personality

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, I am a 49 female with a mother and uncle with BPD disorder. I am looking to identify with others just what effect this has had on my life. Things are very bad right now. My childhood was a nightmare due to an absent father. I grew up with my mother, uncles, and grandparents. I have a strong will to not let the things they have done and said bother me but I am not there yet. How do you get there? I have not run into many people that have dealt with this disorder. Neither my mother nor uncle would seek help. I have been blamed for everything and that gets to me the most. I do know I am a kind person and really have not hurt them at all. As a result I show little anger because I don't want to be anything like them. I think that has gotten me in trouble. This is the first time I have gone on an online website for support or understanding. I read in the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells, that there was a website like this one. If anyone can help me understand this website better please let me know. I greatly appreciate your time. J49

[j49]

Hi, I am a 49 female with a mother and uncle with BPD disorder. I am looking to identify with others just what effect this has had on my life. Things are very bad right now. My childhood was a nightmare due to an absent father. I grew up with my mother, uncles, and grandparents. I have a strong will to not let the things they have done and said bother me but I am not there yet. How do you get there? I have not run into many people that have dealt with this disorder. Neither my mother nor uncle would seek help. I have been blamed for everything and that gets to me the most. I do know I am a kind person and really have not hurt them at all. As a result I show little anger because I don't want to be anything like them. I think that has gotten me in trouble. This is the first time I have gone on an online website for support or understanding. I read in the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells, that there was a website like this one. If anyone can help me understand this website better please let me know. I greatly appreciate your time. J49

[Panda39]

Hi j49

  Welcome 

I'm really glad you've found us you are not alone    We all have someone in our lives with BPD or BPD Traits so we all get how difficult it can be.

I come at BPD from a different I'm on these boards because my significant other (SO) has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) and two daughters.

Both girls have been affected by having a BPD mom, you mentioning showing little anger resonates with me.  My SO's ex would literally say "You can't be mad at me" (um wanna bet!).  How do you think not showing anger is getting you into trouble? 

I want to point out the box to the right --> each item is a link to more information.  You might want to check out the "Lessons" section when you have time.

We have many members with BPD Parents and family members, I know more folks will be along to join in welcoming you soon.

Again I'm really glad you've found us and decided to jump in and post. 

Take Care 
Panda39

[Insom]

Hi, j49!

Allow me to join Panda39 in welcoming you!  Like you, I'm here to heal stuff from the past that still impacts me today. 

Things are very bad right now.

Would you like to say more about what is going on right now?  How are you feeling today?

[HappyChappy]

Hey J49, (are you J2O's mother ?)

It must have been hard being alone with a BPD mother. I found my healing began when I hit this forum. I found the validation you get on here great, the fact others are in the same boat and the great advice you get. Feel free to join in, if you have had 49 years of a BPD, then you are well qualified to comment.

But it does take time. Because when something odd happens that we can’t explain , the human mind tends to park the thought in our memory. Then when we get an epiphany like discovering BPD is a thing, all those little thoughts need to come back out to be explained and given a healthy adjustment. That takes time. It is overwhelming at times, but break it down into steps. So what is your first step ? What memory do you want to address ? There are also lots of tried and tested techniques for setting boundaries, or dealing with someone with BPD. So here again what techniques interest you. But if you're only 49, you're young so there's time. So what is step one ?