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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Justified reasons for a custody evaluation?  (Read 448 times)
Aiming4Kindness
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 62


« on: February 26, 2018, 01:11:16 AM »

For those of you who have had to ask a judge to order a custody evaluation, what are the key messages and strategies you've found?  What should be avoided?

Thanks tons.
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ForeverDad
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Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
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You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2018, 12:18:20 PM »

Focus on the needs of the children.  Yes, both parents will have complaints about the other but be the parent with practical requests and solutions to reduce conflict and seek a stable home for the child.  While the conflict between parents does have an impact in a custody evaluation, it is a side issue.  Of course, if the children are stuck in the middle of a parent's disputes or disparaging or invalidating remarks, that too is important to document.

I recall that my CE noted his observation of my parenting reported it was more relaxed and normal with our preschooler.  I don't recall precisely what I did, just what I always did... .
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