heartbreak and BPD

[zachira]

I just came to realize this year that both my mother and two siblings have BPD. I have always been the scapegoat of the immediate family and of many relatives. I am well along in years. My mother is 98 years old. I am grieving many losses and trying to keep my head up by starting over in many areas of my life. It is going to take time to sever or severely limit my relationships with people who I no longer want to see much of because of how abusive they are. I have so many plans, yet it is going to take time, energy, and lots of work to realize them. I continue to see my therapist, and surround myself with people who are respectful and kind. I appreciate the support I get from the people who post here, either by telling their stories and/or their thoughtful kind replies to my threads.

[Panda39]

Hi zachira,

I say... .you go girl! 

At 46 I had a series of breakdowns and breakthroughs and I came to much the same realization that you have.  That I was worth it, that it was okay to put myself first, that I needed to stop trying to be something I'm not to satisfy other people, that I had many people in my life that loved me just the way I am.  I put distance between myself and those that were not supportive.  That I was going to start doing things that made me happy and that sometimes involved pushing through fear, and I did that too.

Yes, it is all hard work but so worth it.

Cheering you on 
Panda39

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Zachira,

I've been reading your posts and responses, and you are doing a great job of jumping right on in to our online family and sharing from your heart.  Thank you!

Panda39 has some great wisdom that she shared. I'll throw in my two cents as well, and say that as I changed and worked (still working on it) in T, I've slowly noticed the change within me has influenced my choices in who I hang out with and communicate with. I'm more careful now to chose those who are 'SAFE' for me and who support me. I'm guessing you will find something similar happening too. While we do make direct choices about who we hang out with and who we reach out to, I guess I'm also trying to say that some of it will come more naturally as you heal and grow on this journey. When I am around those I don't enjoy so much because they are reminders of the enmeshment I was in with my uBPDm, now I'm better at seeing what is happening and setting up boundaries-sometimes leaving the area or ending the conversation quickly.

You'll get there too, just keep at it!

 
Wools

[Pina colada]

Zachira, I read your posts too and you have come a long way.  I am also cheering you on in the process of healing and moving forward with life.  I am also here if you would like to PM sometime... .Keep up the positivity in your life!  There is no room for toxic.  It hurts to lose contact with family members, but sometimes it is a must for our sanity.