Medication, is it working, or not? And cannabis on top, struggling to watch

[El’s Mama]

I’m wondering what others’ experiences are with medication for your child. How many of your kids are medicated? Have any of you found that medication helps?  My 18 year old son is taking 2 antidepressants and an anti-psychotic. We’ve tried several but I’ve never noticed any improvements. I’ve been told there is no medication for BPD. If that’s the case, I’m not sure why the psychiatrist keeps him on three. My son smokes a lot of cannabis (which could be why meds don’t work anyway). He feels that it keeps him calm.

On a related note, my son does not deny his diagnosis. In fact, he embraces it. He accepts it because he uses it as an excuse to act however he wants. He blames “the BPD” and refuses to take responsibility for ANYTHING. He refuses therapy, adamantly. He does not believe that coping strategies are for him. I believe this is because it would mean accepting responsibility. It’s easier to say he has no control over anything because then he doesn’t have to do anything about it. Have any of you found that your son or daughter is like this?

I know that cannabis can be calming but I struggle so with this. My husband is an alcoholic drug addict (20+ years clean) so we worry that our son is genetically predisposed to become addicted. It’s so difficult to see him high every day. Last night he came home drunk as well. I absolutely hate to see my child like that. I struggle with whether my son is self-medicating or just getting high and drunk every day because he can and it’s fun. I sometimes feel that I should step in as his parent (what a joke - what could I do that would ever have an effect on him anyway?). It’s so, so hard to watch him self-destruct.

I’m interested to hear from others on these issues.

Thanks everyone!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Ednamae]

My daughter is 21. She admits she has BPD (recently diagnosed a few months ago after years of a roller coaster). She, however, cries and tells me she just wants someone to fix her brain so she doesn't have to live like this anymore. But she also smokes marijuana. I struggled big time with it, but she doesn't smoke so much that she acts high. She actually functions "normally" on it! If there were a med that could do the same thing... .someone would be rich! 
About the med... .I was told there's no med for BPD, however, they can give med for some of the symptoms of BPD. i.e.: depression, anxiety, etc.

[wendydarling]

Hi El's Mama

You are right there is no medication for BPD, just as Ednamae says BPD is often co-morbid so the meds are for depression, psychosis, anxiety etc. My 29DD's meds work, it took almost 2 years to crack, that wait was worth every second. Your son's highly medicated with cannabis on top, you struggling with his use and hate to see him like that, it's so hard to watch them self-destruct, I know where you are, watched my DD hit rock bottom coming up 3 years ago.

I'm sorry your son is not taking responsibility for his mental health, that's hard. We can't change people or control them but we can make changes ourselves to improve the relationship, our situation, that's what we do here we look after us and everyone around us benefits. See the resources to your right.  

Is your son working? What behaviours are you dealing with?

WDx

[bluek9]

Hi El's Mama,

        You asked some really great questions. My daughter is 35, she is medicated for her depression and anxiety, taking 3 meds just for that. She is also diabetic taking meds for that. She also smokes cannibis, alot. She has a bad back had surgery on it that didn't help, so she says the smoking is for her pain. I can tell you like WDx it took some time to get the meds right, at least now they are helping. Like you I have issues with her smoking. I'm a drug and alcohol counselor, so go figure her smoking... .Even though I don't like it, it does seem to calm her. She is smoking cannibis with a high cbd and very low thc. So she is not getting the high, more pain control.
       My daughter has other mental health issues as well but, she does know she has BPD. When I started reading books on how to help her and myself, she asked me about them. Then said thanks for trying to figure me out. Granted she does not do the changing, I change my approach to her. In return it has yielded great results on the communication front. The issues right now is her inability to self sooth or self comfort. In that area she is a mess.
        I know it's so very hard to watch what our kids do and what they put themselves through. I watched for years as my daughter self destructed with drugs, men, self harm. Mind you I'm not saying this was easy AT ALL. But I'm a really big believer in natural consequences, my daughter made many desicions on her own that ended very badly for her. I watched, I did not rescue, she payed for her mistakes by herself. When she finally decided to get sober I did help with that, and I supported her in many ways(only the healthy ones). Now I'm raising her son, they live with me, she is intense therapy twice a week.
      I'll end by saying what I usually say, there is always hope. God made parents persistant.

[wendydarling]

      I'll end by saying what I usually say, there is always hope. God made parents persistant.

Bluek9 - I'm with you, hope and persistence   After DBT my DD shared with me she felt kindness and gratitude it's exactly what is right here, thank you 

WDx

[El’s Mama]

It makes total sense that my son’s meds are not for the BPD directly. There’s an anti-depressant for anxiety, an anti-psychotic (I forget what for exactly) and a mood stabilizer. At this point, my son is content (perhaps not the right word?) to remain high all day long. He starts smoking as soon as he awakens. He does attend school, although misses a lot of time.  He gets high before school, I’m assuming at lunch and first thing he does after school. He also has a part-time job which he manages quite well now, although he goes high. His outbursts, suicide attempts and threats have all lessened recently. I’m assuming it’s because he is smoking so much cannabis. I’m certainly happy that things are a lot less volatile and chaotic in our house (I have 2 other, younder children) but I’m disturbed by his drug and alcohol use. I know I can’t change him or his habits. It’s just frustrating to see him intoxicated daily, which is not helping him move forward. I mean, is he just going to stay stoned for the rest of his life?

I’m also afraid he’s going to sabotage his graduating year. I suspect he is nervous about moving away from home next year for university. Graduation is three months away and he’s scheduled to leave for university in 5 months.

I’ve been doing the reading and research on this site, and I have hope that I can at least improve our communication and, therefore, our relationship. I am just so afraid for him. Constantly. I’m so sad that we don’t have much of a relationship. I’m still grieving the life I pictured he’d have.

[bluek9]

El's Mama,

          You really hit the nail on the head "I'm grieving the life I pictured he'd have". We all go through that! It hurts so deep. When I finally got through that I realized my daughter would still have a life, only now it will be what WE make of it together. No doubt there will be difficult times of challenging communication, as you have right now. They will get better on a new plane. Keep us posted on your progress.