They are even worse when sick

[todayistheday]

BPD mom fell and broke her arm last week.  She is in surgery right now.  She has been giving everyone such a hard time.  I came to my parents house yesterday and I am soo ready to go home. 

I am going home  tomorrow night.   She is saying things like how she will have to go to a nursing home or get an attendant.  Even saying "I wish I were dead."  I've heard that for 50+ years and won't be manipulated by any of it.

I have a position at work with quite  a bit of responsibility and need to be there the second half of  the week.  I am also recovering from surgery for an injury of my own and need to get home for PT.  I almost wonder if she fell on purpose to be center of attention.  We are so different from other people.   Rather than feeling guilty, I am glad to be able to leave. 

My did the last 3 illnesses.   My sister lives next door and can take care of this.  Or not.  I won't fault her if she doesn't.

Took Xanax to get to sleep last night.   Think it's still working on me.  Will be so glad to get home. 

[cedarview]

Sorry to hear that your mom fell and broke her arm. I am NC right now with my parents (uBPD mom and enabling dad) and my wife's therapist predicts that some sort of accident, illness, or injury will precipitate them getting back in touch with us or trying to anyway. Does your mom have a habit of getting hurt or ill to gain attention and sympathy? Self injury is one of the only BPD symptoms that my mother doesn't seem to have (of course that doesn't mean it isn't happening). I can sympathize with your relief on getting out of there; a lot of us on this board can. Saying "I wish I was dead" to people who care about you is emotionally abusive and nobody wants to be exposed to that type of adolescent behavior from an adult mom. I hope she makes a quick recovery.

[todayistheday]

I am not aware if self harm in her past.  She did have knew problems sfter I did and ended up getting a keep replacement.   I had one shot in my knee and it's 70% ok ni we.   I don't see h I w she could have done that to herself.   I kn I w that when my Dad tried to leave get 30 years sho, she told him she had enough pills to do herself in.  So he stays although they ate both miserable.

We are home now.  She started throwing up until she couldn't  an6morr.  My sister and told them that she says that anesthesia makes her s8ck, so they gave her medication.   Probably took her that long to be able to will herself sick.  We all believe that the Dick comes from her and bot anesthesia.


She is a lot more out of it than I was after my rotator cuff surgery which DH and I handled together.   I was pretty much a 1-armed version of myself by midday.  But she's herself as well... .

Had hoped to maybe slip home tonight but it will be tomorrow night.  I live 1.5 hour away which is about right.   Not convenient for everyday but easy enough to get here quickly if necessary.   I will go home Tuesday night and make my 7am PT appointment  Wednesday.

[todayistheday]

She is still somewhat out of it from the  sedation.   Although  loopy, it'd an improvement.   Too bad I can't keep her on this !

[todayistheday]

Of course it did not last.

Everything wore off at 2am and she woke up screaming.  We managed to get her to reluctantly take some ibuprofin, but not the prescription. She slept for a few more hours in the room with me and woke up screaming again.  She was going between her bedroom and the sofa to sleep.  I had shoulder surgery a couple months ago myself and cannot get comfortable to sleep either but the recliner is the least uncomfortable place, so when she was on sofa we were somewhat together. 

She woke up around 6 or 7 screaming again because her splint was too tight and wanted to go back to ortho to get it looked at.  We took her to ortho and they made adjustments.  She was screaming at us because she hurt too much to make the phone call and Dad wasn't making the call right and we weren't doing anything else right for her.  It was the absolute worse she has been in front of me since I was in high school. 

I finally got away that afternoon and came home.  Sister went to check on her that afternoon.  Mom told my sister that she had to go back and get everything fixed and that everything is fine now.  No mention at all of how "bad" Dad and I were to her, or of how mean SHE was! 

Came home Tuesday night.  DH sent my Mom flowers on Wednesday.  Mom called him Wednesday to thank him and said they made her happy. etc etc.

Mom called today because she had not heard that I got home safely. No, I did not call.  I was DONE when I left there Tuesday.  She had talked to my husband yesterday and she had not hears any bad news, so of course I got home ok.  She was talking nice at the time, and saying how much better she is.  However the way she was talking to my sister, no way of knowing.  She also said that she has quit wearing her sling because it's too heavy, she's just carrying her arm around.  Ok... .

She is still not taking pain medicine or eating and not wearing splint.  She lies to the anesthesiologist before he gave her anything.  So she is intellectually there.  We are letting her make her own bad decisions and live with the consequences. 

Husband wants to go  back Saturday for a visit.  It should be fine if he's with me. She behaves if anyone other than me/dad/sister are around.

I'd really rather spend my Saturday doing something else after spending my Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday on her.  But husband wants to go so I will.