Living this life with my husband feels so incredibly daunting

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone!

A friend with a BPD child recommended Stop Walking on Egg Shells after I confided in her about my marriage relationship. I am convinced my spouse has BPD or at least has a lot of symptoms. I am currently in counseling to help me cope with our marriage. We used to go together, but he no longer comes and feels as though I need fixing, so I need to continue to go. I agree that I need to go, but I don't think he realizes the "why" of my therapy. I'm only there because dealing with a marriage to him is so very hard.

I joined this community because I need people who I can share with outside of my typical social circle. I don't want to push friends away because I'm always venting to them. And I also don't want to come across as though I hate my husband. I love him and I want things to work. That said, the idea of living this life with him and feeling like I'm being emotionally abused and or/manipulated (even though those are his deep down intentions) feels so incredibly daunting.

[Luckydip]

Hello everyone!

A friend with a BPD child recommended Stop Walking on Egg Shells after I confided in her about my marriage relationship. I am convinced my spouse has BPD or at least has a lot of symptoms. I am currently in counseling to help me cope with our marriage. We used to go together, but he no longer comes and feels as though I need fixing, so I need to continue to go. I agree that I need to go, but I don't think he realizes the "why" of my therapy. I'm only there because dealing with a marriage to him is so very hard.

I joined this community because I need people who I can share with outside of my typical social circle. I don't want to push friends away because I'm always venting to them. And I also don't want to come across as though I hate my husband. I love him and I want things to work. That said, the idea of living this life with him and feeling like I'm being emotionally abused and or/manipulated (even though those are his deep down intentions) feels so incredibly daunting.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[LovingDad]

Hi Luckydip,

 

I'm sorry for your difficult marriage. My marriage is also a wreck right now. I found out my wife has BPD a month ago. I think I know how you feel. A lot of people her know that. This is the right place.

I have red the book 'The Borderline Guide' and that gave me a lot of insight on BPD and how to deal with it. Together with my T I'm trying to find the right ways to deal with everything. I live seperate from my wife now for almost seven months.

Little by little I'm taking my space back. I do this, as must as possible, in a non threating way. By acknowlaging her feelings, but not agreeing to it. By also staying calm and I try to take al the accusations not personal. I found out that 'less is more'. When you feel the danger coming, say as little as possible. Say what you think but not why you think it. Be clear in a non threating way.

When I do this, sometimes it don't get out of control. Other times it gets out of control but not as bad as in the past. Sometimes that still happens and I'm just having bad luck that day. It is not as easy as I write it down right now, but it gives me confidence and strength back.

I hope it can help you too.

Greetings,

LovingDad

[Speck]

Welcome, Luckydip!



I wanted to take a moment to join LovingDad welcoming you to the discussion forums. I'm so sorry for what you're going through but glad you have found a community where many of us have been through similar experiences, and we can learn from each other. From what you have written, it seems clear you will get good ideas and support here if you continue to read and post. In short, you have found the best place in the world for understanding, compassion, and education as it relates to coping with loved ones who have personality disorders.

Thank you for sharing with us what you have thus far:

That said, the idea of living this life with him and feeling like I'm being emotionally abused and or/manipulated (even though those are his deep down intentions) feels so incredibly daunting.

I am so sorry you are faced with this. Even so, I just have to applaud you for being willing to continue to put forth effort into understanding your husband. In my opinion, that's true love. This site is rather HUGE, however, there are many, many articles related to bettering your relationship with the angle of using healthy communication techniques, setting needed boundaries, and validating what is valid. You will find these articles in the right-handed panel on this board. We can help you with questions, point you in the direction of additional resources, or just be a sounding board.

Tell us more about yourself and your story. It helps you to get it out, and it helps others when they see that they are not the only ones suffering. We look forward to hearing more from you.

Keep writing, keep processing, keep learning!


-Speck

[Catlady3.14]

Hello Luckydip,
Im glad your friend directed you here. I think there are positive things on this site that will help you in understanding BPD. I
I'm a newbie too. And I have felt much better having this board to bounce my thoughts and feeli mg off of. I think it has helped tremendously. I'd say half my post are just ramblings but it feels great to get them out of my head and have a voice that responds to them.
We're not alone and you'll find good friends here.
I look forward to hearing your story.
Catlady