Finally things are looking up

[Parents! Get help here!]

The last couple days were a whirl wind. My DD20 came to our city to try to work at a strip club she used to work at. I used some points and got her a hotel for a couple nights near the club. They ended up not rehiring her and she was super upset. She's finally sick of being broke and bored and really wanted to work. We picked her up and let her spend the night at our house (only the third time in almost a year). We had a nice evening and I proposed I take the next day off work and take her to apply for regular jobs, and then we could spend the night in the hotel and have a 'girls night'.

The next morning she actually got up when she said she would. I coached her through updating her resume (in the past I just did it for her, not great).I did write a list of places hiring that said to apply in person for her, and she picked some. We went to a few but she ended up getting hired at the second restaurant we went to! She starts Monday. I took her to look at an apartment which she also got, so we will start helping her move this weekend.

Last night she told me that she understood why we set stricter boundaries with her and that it took a while for her to not feel devastated. She said she saw what she was doing to us and finally realized she had to stop. Last week she actually said the words "I refuse to be that person anymore, I can't live like that."

I haven't had time to process the insane progress she's made. I was able to explain to her that there are things she was asking us for and expecting us to do that aren't normal or healthy. She said she had expected us to be her therapist and she was sorry.

I am finally in a place personally where I can just a appreciate where we are. I have been dreading this month for the past three years - our adoption assistance check runs out when she turns 21 and I had no idea how she'd respond. I spent months coming to terms with the possibility of her being homeless.

I am afraid of jinxing it but dare I say... things are looking up. We just spent two full days together with only one tiny conflict when I had to repeatedly tell her I was shutting down and needed to be alone for a few minutes. She did accept it though I could see how hard it was for her.

This is rambling but I am exhausted and hopeful. She got that job by herself. Even if she gets fired, I fell more confident that she could quickly get another one. What's more astonishing is that I think she can really do this job and keep it. Saying that feels monumental.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

The last couple days were a whirl wind. My DD20 came to our city to try to work at a strip club she used to work at. I used some points and got her a hotel for a couple nights near the club. They ended up not rehiring her and she was super upset. She's finally sick of being broke and bored and really wanted to work. We picked her up and let her spend the night at our house (only the third time in almost a year). We had a nice evening and I proposed I take the next day off work and take her to apply for regular jobs, and then we could spend the night in the hotel and have a 'girls night'.

The next morning she actually got up when she said she would. I coached her through updating her resume (in the past I just did it for her, not great).I did write a list of places hiring that said to apply in person for her, and she picked some. We went to a few but she ended up getting hired at the second restaurant we went to! She starts Monday. I took her to look at an apartment which she also got, so we will start helping her move this weekend.

Last night she told me that she understood why we set stricter boundaries with her and that it took a while for her to not feel devastated. She said she saw what she was doing to us and finally realized she had to stop. Last week she actually said the words "I refuse to be that person anymore, I can't live like that."

I haven't had time to process the insane progress she's made. I was able to explain to her that there are things she was asking us for and expecting us to do that aren't normal or healthy. She said she had expected us to be her therapist and she was sorry.

I am finally in a place personally where I can just a appreciate where we are. I have been dreading this month for the past three years - our adoption assistance check runs out when she turns 21 and I had no idea how she'd respond. I spent months coming to terms with the possibility of her being homeless.

I am afraid of jinxing it but dare I say... things are looking up. We just spent two full days together with only one tiny conflict when I had to repeatedly tell her I was shutting down and needed to be alone for a few minutes. She did accept it though I could see how hard it was for her.

This is rambling but I am exhausted and hopeful. She got that job by herself. Even if she gets fired, I fell more confident that she could quickly get another one. What's more astonishing is that I think she can really do this job and keep it. Saying that feels monumental.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beady]

Such wonderful news. Thank you for sharing a good news story this morning.

[Daisy123]

What a journey! Your DD had some incredible insights about not wanting to be that person anymore along with her reflection about your boundaries. It’s a huge shift! Your story gives me hope. How we interact with our loved ones is so important. How long has she lived out of your home?

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Daisy,

She has lived out of our home for mostly the past two years. We let her move back in for a couple months last year but ended up making her move out because she wasn't doing anything she was supposed to do.

I think this is what I've been waiting for for the last five years. I know everything isn't magically perfect but I feel like it is warranted to be hopeful now.

[wendydarling]

HB, you've made my day, this is wonderful news I am so happy for you  , this month has been weighing heavy with you all this time. Whoah, tear of joy welling here for you  .

You've really got this! You've made a staggering amount of progress in the last 6 months, you deserve to be exactly where you are now. For your DD to say to you I can't live like this anymore, is similar to my DD's words that changed her direction for good.

You are an inspiration to us all HB thank you for sharing here with us and giving others from the most darkest of places there is hope.

I hope you rest up HB and treat yourself with something really special, now what might that be?

WDx
PS this post is my 1300's here at bpdfamily, nice it landed in your thread 

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi WD,

Thank you so much   I'm so happy to hear that it is similar to your daughter's progress, it really does feel different and I want to believe it will stick.

She's at work right now! She called me on the way because she was excited and nervous, and she wanted me to know she was getting there early.

We took a uhaul trailer up to her old apt yesterday and she very shockingly had everything packed and ready to go. Moving her in the past has been a nightmare involving sifting through piles of trash and dirty clothes and lots of her crying and freaking out. So that was amazing. And she refuses to let us help her clean out the old apartment, which I am so grateful for. Her messes are next level disgusting (rotten food etc) and I'm so happy I don't have to help this time I can't even put it into words. She's made so much progress that I definitely would have helped if she'd asked. So this is the extremely awesome cherry on top.

I took off early from work and just came home and relaxed with my dogs and husband. I just wanted to relish this day.

Shes living ten minutes from us now. It will be so easy for us to keep up the positive reinforcement now by just hanging out with her. When we left her at her new apt last night she said how excited she is to be able to hang out with her two best friends (us, her parents).

[MomMae]

Wow, hyacinth bucket, I am SO happy for you! It gave me happy goose bumps reading it   It seems the light has gone on inside your daughter, she is doing so well!

Relish the moment, as you are doing... .you have been down in the trenches for a long time and so deserve this, HB.  As you say, it will be so much easier to support her now that she will be close by.  It made a huge difference for us when our daughter moved back into town, just a few minutes walk away.  We can have her over for "normal" visits (not just deal with crisis, after crisis) and have a more relaxed relationship that does not have to centre around BPD all of the time.

You have worked hard and are now seeing results!    Thank you for sharing, HB, it is great to hear!  I hope your DD had a good first day on the job - good for her!

  MM

[wendydarling]

It's a pleasure HB  

She's at work right now! She called me on the way because she was excited and nervous, and she wanted me to know she was getting there early.

Aw bless her, gee we all need support at times like that, how great she's reaching out that's a lot of change she's managing right now. Including clearing her mess, that is hard for her ughhhhh      , good for her, relief|iiii  
new start we hope. What's important as you say she recognises.

10 minutes away sounds perfect as MM says, not too near , yet near enough, not too far time wise for you.

Has your DD any sound friends in your city?

WDx

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi MM and WD,

She said her first day went really well and the trainer told her she did a really good job   she was so proud of herself, which is so rare.

 

She doesn't really have many friends and most of them she met stripping, so I'm hoping she'll meet some nicer more low key people at her new job

[Yepanotherone]

HB this is just excellent to hear good news and progress being made and makes my heart swell . You are ROCKING this HB , big hugs 

[Lollypop]

Hi there HB

I’m pleased as punch for you and I hope you’re enjoying this achievement. Glory in it as you’ve worked so hard and trusted your gut. Your daughter responds positively to you’re persistency. Up and down, one step forwards and then two back, nudge forwards again. It all adds up.

Well done you.  Well done to your daughter as she experiences “feeling proud”.  Your open-heartedness and non judgmental approach is inspirational.

Hugs

LP

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Yep, thank you! 

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi LP, thanks so much. I appreciate your support!