My mom had a hypertensive crisis crisis last night. But I should come over anywa

[misuniadziubek]

I'm so messed up over this. Last night was terryifing, I was on the brink of losing my own mother because we couldn't get her blood pressure down from emergency levels that can lead to organ failure. I wanted support. I got accusations that I'm always making excuses not to see him on time.

We have a standard schedule for weekends to make things more predictable and less disappointing.


After I found out my mom was stable I messaged him that because of what happened, I'd be coming up four hours later.

I wanted to keep an eye on my mom throughout the night and check on her in the morning. I was a mess after. Just the sheer adrenaline and cortisol of not knowing if I'd have to call am ambulance
 I needed time and process through things. I woke up. Did everything I could to help out, made sure she was still okay and then I got in my car and drove to my boyfriend.


The first thing I get is him yelling at me that my excuses are getting ridiculous. That he doesn't understand how my mom being okay in the end equals to me being four hours late. I start crying. He tells me that I'm using crying as manipulation instead of talking about the actual truthI swear at him and call him a piece of sfit. He tells me he's not going to have me insult him in his bedroom and if I don't leave, he'll make me.

And now I'm here in my car. Crying my eyes out.  Feeling devastated and having trouble calming myself down. Everything is okay but I can't stop reliving it.


I wish I had someone supportive who didn't consider my mom being on the brink of a medical emergency 'an excuse'.


Someone who would comfort me and hold me and remind me I'm okay.

[formflier]

     

First things first... .I'm so thankful that your Mom seems to have gotten past this crisis. 

Do you think you would feel better spending more time on her... on her relationship with you?

Let the rest of the world (including your pwBPD) take a number and wait. 

The first thing I get is him yelling at me that my excuses are getting ridiculous. 

Someone who would comfort me and hold me and remind me I'm okay.

   

You are ok and you are in charge of making sure that you are ok.   

Please reflect on the reasons you stuck around to see what he was yelling about. 

Wouldn't your life be more stable if you spent time with people that DID NOT yell and you DID NOT spend time around people that DO yell at you.

What if your let your pwBPD decide if he wants to be around you are not.  He yells... .you leave.  He is nice... .you are around.

What would your life be like?

   

Isn't it time to spend more time with your Mom?

FF

[Cat Familiar]

misuniadziubek,
I'm so sorry about your experience being worried sick about your mother, then being confronted by your angry and thoughtless boyfriend.

It's a heavy responsibility to be at the brink of wondering if you should call an ambulance or not. Having trained as an EMT many years ago, I would suggest that if ever you're in doubt, call. They can determine whether or not she would need to be transported and allay your fears. Better to err on the side of caution and I believe (but I'm not positive--something to look into beforehand) most insurances cover emergency transportation.

Sadly, far too many people wait (because the ill person denies that they're that ill) and things get worse before they're either driven to the Emergency Department or an ambulance is called.

Because she now has a history of uncontrolled blood pressure, you need to plan ahead, I'm sorry to say, because this situation might happen again. Lots of times a shift in medication can take care of the problem, but better to be forewarned and have a strategy already in place.

As far as your boyfriend, you got a very real glimpse of how he reacted in a life and death situation. He had no empathy for what you'd been through; all he could think about was his own feelings.

I agree with formflier. I think your mother is more deserving of your time right now.

Cat

[AskingWhy]

I just read a book about the difficulties of being in a RS with a pwBPD.

Sometimes they are there for you and sometimes they are not.

The real test is when they are there for you in the important times.

It's clear your SO was not.

It's time to assess what you want in the RS.   I have learned with my SO to rely on myself and not on him.

Take care.

[Red5]

I'm so messed up over this. Last night was terryifing, I was on the brink of losing my own mother because we couldn't get her blood pressure down from emergency levels that can lead to organ failure. I wanted support. I got accusations that I'm always making excuses not to see him on time.

... .The first thing I get is him yelling at me that my excuses are getting ridiculous.

... .That he doesn't understand how my mom being okay in the end equals to me being four hours late.

... .I start crying. He tells me that I'm using crying as manipulation instead of talking about the actual truthI swear at him and call him a piece of sfit.

... .He tells me he's not going to have me insult him in his bedroom and if I don't leave, he'll make me.

And now I'm here in my car. Crying my eyes out.  Feeling devastated and having trouble calming myself down. Everything is okay but I can't stop reliving it.

I wish I had someone supportive who didn't consider my mom being on the brink of a medical emergency 'an excuse'.

Someone who would comfort me and hold me and remind me I'm okay.

misuniadziubek

WOW !

You got a "live one " there... .

No empathy, .looks like you have been given some very valuable insight, take it onboard, and remember it !

Now, a little role play, and what if... .now imagine you are married to this desperado, and you got three little kids, a mortgage, and lots of bill/responsibilities... .in a word committed (trapped).

Now, apply the above "role play" mindset to your initial post, and add the aforementioned.

How would that have played out,

Let that sink in now.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this (bf), and I am also very happy at your mother is doing much better, a close call!

Family is important, and a good mate, is just that, a good mate, a supportive companion, a "helpmate", .there for you, .protective, supportive, .empathetic, .loving; unconditional, unselfish, humble, puts YOU first when you are in crisis before their own "needs", repetitively !... .consistently !

... .hang in there misuniadziubek,

Learn from this !

Red5