C-PTSD vs. BPD

[JNChell]

I’m diagnosed with C-PTSD/PTSD. Basically, my stuff is layered with a cherry on top. There was a thread that covered this, but it’s pretty much buried in time. 

C-PTSD and BPD are closely related, and if I’m correct, some folks are wanting to relabel BPD with C-PTSD. I say ok, whatever. Just diagnose me so I can heal.

If the 2 are that close together, then I have gained more empathy and understanding for pwBPD. I’m not talking about a diagnostic manual or any of that. I’m taking about the way this stuff feels. Every day. My T is helping me with this. It feels really bad. I’ve read and compared the 2 disorders.

Our exes are not ok. They never will be. We have control of ourselves. The women/men that we love are gone. Don’t eat the dust trail.

I get pretty appalled when I see how some folks are talked about here

[gotbushels]

JNChell   

C-PTSD and BPD are closely related, and if I’m correct, some folks are wanting to relabel BPD with C-PTSD. I say ok, whatever. Just diagnose me so I can heal.

I hope you're okay.

I get pretty appalled when I see how some folks are talked about here

Yes, sometimes what people say can be surprising. Share an example?  I think while there's some unpleasant things discussed--I think the board's pretty good at bringing things back to the appropriate level when it happens.

[JNChell]

Hey, gotbushels. I am ok. I welcomed the diagnosis. It’s part of getting well and healing. To be honest, the dx was a weight off of my shoulders.

I don’t want to share any examples of things that have been said. I don’t want to call anyone out. I shouldn’t have said that in my post. I understand that many of us, including me, are emotionally charged at times. I guess that it’s a bit of a trigger for me when I read posts that are very degrading towards another. I think that many of us are here ultimately because we went through degradation long before we met our SO’s. My thinking is that the cycle has to be broken. I hope this makes sense.

[Seenowayout]

My thinking is that the cycle has to be broken. I hope this makes sense.

I think that makes a lot of sense JNChell.  I've said some pretty awful things about my ex here.   And I've thought worse things than I would ever post.

But I've never acted on those thoughts or words, nor would I ever, exactly because I want to break the cycle.  

I read that BPD can come out of PTSD experience.  I believe that's what happened to my ex.  Why would I perpetuate the evil that was done to her, and came to me, by acting out in bad ways.  The outward expanding ripple stops with me.

But this is a safe place I think to verbalize some awful thoughts.  WE are all hurt, one way or another.

I hope you can break the cycle.  I'm pulling for you.

[Harri]

Hi JNChell.  How are you?  I too have been diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood abuse.  I am often struck with the thought of how difficult it is to overcome emotions and almost reflexive behaviors that I acquired and feel that I have a pretty good idea of how hard it is for someone with BPD to do the same.  It is not easy to look within and realize you need to change especially at the beginning of the whole process.  Shame was a huge source of a lot of the dysfunctional behaviors I had (and still have in some cases). 

Sometimes I can't read posts on certain boards though that has gotten a lot better over time.  But yes, sometimes it hurts too much or sometimes hits too close to home.  As you said, there is some overlap in the diagnoses and I think that has a great deal to do with my sensitivity.  I also, like you, recognize that people need a place to talk and be understood and accepted.  And also like you, I don't ever want my issues to interfere with their processing. 

Yes, you are ending the cycle.  You have shown a lot of compassion and understanding... .and pain.  I am sorry for that but I am cheering you on too.

[gotbushels]

JNChell    I stumbled across this webinar video recently.

Perhaps it might be helpful to you.  I've not watched it so I didn't review it. I've watched Choi-Kain on her talk on compassion fatigue linked through on bpdfamily--I thought it was excellent.

Borderline Personality Disorder and Complex PTSD: Differentiation and Treatment
Hosted by Lois W. Choi-Kain, MEd, MD, Medical and Program Director, Gunderson Residence, Director, McLean Borderline Personality Disorder Training Institute

There was a thread that covered this, but it’s pretty much buried in time. 

You might be talking about this one:
DIFFERENCES|COMORBIDITY: Borderline PD and PTSD

[JNChell]

Hi Seenowayout.

But I've never acted on those thoughts or words, nor would I ever, exactly because I want to break the cycle. 

I feel the same. It’s hard ground to negotiate in new shoes. A lot of the time it feels easier staying in bare feet, like a child, where the earth beneath our feet feels familiar. For many, this is home. For others, it’s a cycle. It’s a cycle for many of us here.

But this is a safe place I think to verbalize some awful thoughts.  WE are all hurt, one way or another.

You are absolutely right!  along with my therapist, this support group is priceless. I’ve had my ups and downs on here. My anonymous babble that made no sense, but someone always showed up to help me sort it out. You’re right. We are all hurt. This is a place of healing, acceptance and growth. I could do better at being mindful of that.

[JNChell]

Hi, Harri. Thank you so much for sharing.

Hi JNChell.  How are you?  I too have been diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood abuse.  I am often struck with the thought of how difficult it is to overcome emotions and almost reflexive behaviors that I acquired and feel that I have a pretty good idea of how hard it is for someone with BPD to do the same.  It is not easy to look within and realize you need to change especially at the beginning of the whole process.  Shame was a huge source of a lot of the dysfunctional behaviors I had (and still have in some cases).

It was a real eye opener to be diagnosed with this anxiety disorder. It was under wraps for a long time. Buried trauma. It got triggered in a big way. It’s out now. I have moments when I feel like it was still stuffed. Just to feel some calm and comfort. I know that’s not the route to take.

I have learned through therapy that this condition has played a big role in my reactivity. My fight or flight responses are easily triggered. Are you familiar with the “Window of Tolerance”? There are 2 workbooks. PTSD and CPTSD. Yes, the popular one. It’s too much to type. It’s in our Amygdala I believe.

I’m curious how PTSD feels for you on a daily basis. If you’re comfortable with describing it, how far along are you from your diagnosis?

[JNChell]

gotbushels! Thank you for the material. I’ll report back after I listen to it. 

[Harri]

Hi JNChell 

I’m curious how PTSD feels for you on a daily basis. If you’re comfortable with describing it, how far along are you from your diagnosis?

I don't mind sharing though I feel most comfortable on the PSI board.  Anyway, I was first diagnosed with PTSD about 15 years ago maybe.  I did not pay a whole lot of attention to the label though as I had so many other things to focus upon.  Also, I did not really understand it.  I was in therapy off and on but therapy focused more on helping me to see myself as i was rather than through my mothers distortions and delusions and on detaching from her.  I remember having emotional flashbacks while working and having to excuse myself, go in the restroom and splash water on my face while telling myself to get a grip!  LOL  It was a daily thing, the panic attacks.  i got used to them and began to dissociate more and more.  Just mild dissociation according to my current T but it certainly took the edge off. 

Back at the beginning I had a lot of anger... .rage even at some of the things my mother did to me.  It still rears its head on occasion.  That underlying anger was always there though I did not recognize it.  A couple of friends told me they sensed anger in me and I had no idea what they were referring to.  Years later I can see it.  I was never very social but I withdrew even more.  I was still living in my parents house when i was in my late 30's    so I was very careful to keep my worlds separated.   It made it hard to connect with people. 

I felt worthless, defeated, unworthy, wrong, was afraid I would hurt people.  I had bought into a lot of my mothers lies to me and about me and that affected how I saw myself and the world. 

I could go on and on with this but I am not sure I am answering in the way you asked.  Is this what you wanted to hear from me or am I missing the mark?  I really don't mind sharing so please ask if you want more info or a different kind of answer.

Things do get better though.  Hold on to that.  I re-started therapy maybe 2.5 years ago and it is trauma focused with a psychologist.  My other T's were social workers and poorly equipped to help me with the actual trauma processing but were great for other issues.  Over the years I had reached the point of cycling through panic attacks and dissociation to the point it became normal and I had not idea.  I thought I had ADD or something like that because I could not focus and was foggy a lot, but it turns out is was the panic and dissociation.  Who knew?  You would think it would be obvious to me but it wasn't.  I would be shaking, wanting to vomit, drenched in sweat... .and it had become so normal I still functioned with it... .or tried to function.  It made work days interesting back when I was working!    These symptoms decreased quite a bit and now I know what is happening so I can self care better. 

One thing I do want to mention is that the move to re-label BPD to c-PTSD is not all encompassing.  From what I learned here, about 40% of BPD cases can be attributed to childhood trauma and those are the cases people want to relabel c-PTSD.  The remaining 60% are believed to have a biological/genetic component. 

I just want to add that I really resent having to deal with all of this due to my mothers mental illness and my fathers willingness to ignore horrendous abuse.  I am working on acceptance of that but know it will be a daily thing I have to do.  I am also anger at all the years I wasted.