Do you have something that has a special significance to you?

[Feeling Better]

I have an orchid.

It was the very last thing that my NC uBPD son bought and gave to me. That in itself is a major thing, as my son hardly ever gave gifts, in fact, as a family we just accepted the fact that he didn’t do gifts. It wasn’t a big deal to any of us and it didn’t affect the way that we thought of him. He was just him, and we loved him.

So, to me that became a really special gift.

Then when he went NC with me it took on an even greater significance. It almost, to me, became my son and the relationship that we shared. The first flower that died and dropped off represented a little bit of our relationship slipping away, then the next flower, a little more deterioration of our relationship and on it went. I can’t tell you how sad I felt when all it’s flowers had dropped off. That was it. The end. But not many days after I saw new buds appearing on it’s stems. It was such a relief to me and very importantly it gave me my hope back. A hope of new beginnings.

That orchid today represents to me how far I have come.

It has flowered almost constantly since I had it. It has just recently lost all it’s flowers again and I have just accepted it. No panic, no drama, if it flowers again that will be great. But if it doesn’t flower again I can handle it now x

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beady]

  Beautifully said.

[Feeling Better]

Beady, thank you so much.

I have to say that I found it somewhat cathartic writing about my special orchid and what it means to me x

[Lollypop]

Hi there FB

Feeling envious of your orchid!

Ive a few hand drawn cards when my son was little. A necklace bought got when he was at a music festival - shell like. I’ve never worn it and think I might next time we have a family day. Thanks for this post - it reminds me.

I’m glad you gave your orchid... .maybe it could do with s friend?

 

X

[Feeling Better]

Hi Lollypop

Thanks for your reply, I too received hand made cards and not only when my son was little, he still sent them occasionally as an adult, in fact I’m not sure that he ever bought a card.

Your necklace sounds lovely, and yes, you could wear it at your next family day. Did he buy it for your birthday? Or maybe just because? I love receiving ‘just because’ gifts. And giving them too! You never know, he might surprise you by remembering that he bought it for you.

Since I’ve learned not to kill my orchids off I’ve been given some more, so my special orchid does have a few friends now 

 

[Faith Spring]

That really is beautiful, FB. And a little embarrassing for me... .I didn't know they could bloom again after all the flowers fell off!  I feel terrible now that I've tossed a few orchids.  But I have 1 left.  I'll water it and hope. 

As for me I have a text.  It says "I love you too thanks for being there."  Now I had to take a picture of the text to keep it because she followed up with "for once in my life! ... ." you can guess the rest.  But as editor in chief of my texts I just kept that one portion. 

[DoneMom]

I have an (as yet unused) $50 gift certificate for a massage at a local spa she gave me for Mother’s Day.  She knows how stressed out I am (because of her) so at least she acknowledges the damage. 

She makes beautiful handmade cards and is a thoughtful and generous gift giver.  Hey- at least there is that!  She hasn’t shown up for our traditional family Christmas Eve get together for at least 5 years but when presents are passed out, those that she gives are always lovely.

I love that your son gave you an orchid. Your post is an inspiration.  It is pure meta to think about the good in our flawed children.

Thankfully,

DMom

[Feeling Better]

Thanks Faith Spring,

Sorry to hear that you threw a few orchids out. I forgot to say before that I have had my special orchid for around two years now. It’s flowered almost constantly and grown new stems too. Go easy on the watering, I think I was a bit heavy handed at first with mine, I over watered and the leaves just rotted away. I do a much better job these days 

That’s lovely that you have that text from your daughter even though you had to take a picture of it to keep it. As editor in chief (love your title) of your texts you have every right to do with it what you please (love your sense of humour too). Have you thought of printing it off for your folder? 

[Feeling Better]

Hi there DoneMom

What a thoughtful gift from your daughter, I’m sure you will benefit greatly from it. I love having a massage, so relaxing.

I am so pleased for you that your daughter does give lovely gifts, she sounds very creative too, you must be really proud of her talents. What a shame that she hasn’t shown up for at least five years to your traditional family Christmas Eve get together, is there a specific reason for that or just her BPD? Christmas became a nightmare for me with my son, I think he’s only spent about six maybe seven Christmas holidays with us since he turned 18, he will be 36 very soon.

Thank you so much for your kind words and yes, you are right, we have to think about the good in our flawed children, I don’t think we would otherwise be able to cope x 

[Merlot]

hi Feeling Better

 It's nice to be able to think about something you shared with your son that has some symbolism of your relationship, and I'm sure when it flowers it brings you much hope.

Luckily we made it to Christmas with my daughter, she brought me a beautiful winter doona cover.  I have it on the bed at the moment.  Maybe it's one of those things where I can think that I am wrapped in her love as I hop into bed of a night.  I remember her telling me that it was a better quality doona cover than any I had; clearly a very thoughtful gift from her as she wanted me to have nothing but the best.

Oh dear, when I think about these moments of love, why do we have to be cut off... .after all of the drama of the last 6 months I still miss her and my grandbaby so much.

Here's to all of us remembering warm hearted, beautiful things   Thanks so much for doing this   

Merlot

 

[wendydarling]

Hi FB

Your post really stirred, me for the good! I've printed it and it joins many parents posts on my kitchen wall.

Here's to all of us remembering warm hearted, beautiful things   Thanks so much for doing this  
Merlot

FB I have so many significant memories, you have challenged me in a good way, it's taken me a week to respond  

I do have something that has a special significance to me, I wish to share with you and everyone.

And it is bpdfamily has been truly life changing experience for me and my DD.  

I've shared my learning here with my DD, she's on twitter doing exactly what we do here supporting, providing a space to be heard, listened to, compassion, empathy and support.

FB I wish you well, I'm always here for you. I do believe when we stand back with confidence, helps our children step forward, when they are ready.  

You inspire me, further.

WDx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hi Merlot

How wonderful that you have your beautiful winter doona cover that your daughter gave you, so obviously bought with love. I love your idea of feeling wrapped up in her love when you hop in bed and I hope that it brings you great comfort. How truly special it sounds.

Yes, it is so hard to believe, that after these kind acts of love, our adult children can cut us out of their lives so cruelly. I think that the deeper their love is the deeper they hurt, so they would feel hurt the most by the ones that they love the most. It is just so so sad. 

[Feeling Better]

Hi WD,

Wow, I don’t know what to say, I feel honoured to have a place on your kitchen wall along with all your other parents posts, thank you so much. In fact that has inspired me to do the same whenever I come across posts that I like and find meaningful. 

I absolutely love that you have chosen bpdfamily as having a special significance for you, and I, and I’m sure many others will understand and relate as to why you have chosen it. I am sure that many here, including myself, are in a much better place than they were on the day that they arrived here 

Thank you WD for such an inspiring post.

It would be lovely to hear some more special and inspiring stories, it is just so heartwarming to hear about what things we find special and hold dear to us x