BPD daughter

[allone]

Hi totally new this site. Looking for  information on BPD as the mother of a 26 year old daughter who has been suffering for years but, had just got a diagnosis.

She is a beautiful, highly intelligent, artistic, wild, couragous, and very challenging woman whom I admire and love very much.  I know that I did everything in my power to raise her to the best of my abilities but, it never seemed like either one of us felt we gave, or could recieve from eachother, enough. It feels like something is missing. She is emotionally destructive to me and she/we have broken eachothers hearts over and over.

I have found that love at arms length works the best for both of us. I am a strong mother, and sensitive person, who can draw a hardline, and was single parent. I can not, nor will I accept the idea that her disorder was caused by myself. Her environment, temperment, life experiences, and circumstances beyond our control all contributed. Like my daughter, I have been handed down fears of abandoment from my mother but, am not BPD. nor is my mother. But, we do have other disorders that run in our genetic line. I wonder how many other mother's out there buy into the theory that they alone are responsible for their childs disorder?

I would love to hear from you?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello allone

 

Welcome to you, I'm glad you've reached out to family here for support, talking here has helped me and my DD. Like your daughter my DD was 26 when diagnosed, she's 30 next month.

I can not, nor will I accept the idea that her disorder was caused by myself. Her environment, temperment, life experiences, and circumstances beyond our control all contributed. Like my daughter, I have been handed down fears of abandoment from my mother but, am not BPD. nor is my mother. But, we do have other disorders that run in our genetic line. I wonder how many other mother's out there buy into the theory that they alone are responsible for their childs disorder?

You are right you did not cause BPD, absolutely not! We have sensitive children, emotionally sensitive, partly genetic, partly socially and environmental. Here together we gently and patiently unravel what is happening, to help them to a better place and us too, first.

Your daughter sounds similar to mine, courageous, how has she received her diagnosis? Does she have a plan?

WDx

[Feeling Better]

Hello there allone

I would like to join wendydarling in welcoming you here.

I am sorry to hear of your struggles with your daughter but so pleased to know that you have found what works for both of you in terms of having a relationship.

In answer to the question that you ask, I most certainly do not buy into the theory that I alone am responsible for my child’s disorder. Having said that, I also have to say that when I first found out about the possibility of my son having BPD and first reading about it, I felt enormous guilt and did blame myself. I thought that I was a failure as a mother. I was in a very emotional place at that time. As I have learned more about BPD by being here on this site and reading various books, I have come to realise that my son was probably predisposed to BPD and as you quite rightly say, other factors also come into play, life experiences etc which can prove detrimental to someone who has the propensity to develop the disorder.