Dragon72, I hear you about not knowing how to enforce your boundaries.
Sure a thing is this, we discover the need to start doing boundaries in the midst of some action that has gone too far.
You are at the right place on these boards. People will help you here.
I read on this thread and I was a teacher before, so I am sensitive to many of the concerns people voiced for your situation. The topic is a difficult one to process for most people. It evokes high emotional responses. Fears.
First thing I would look into is:
a) How is the climate now? How can you get working on the overall climate at home?
I am asking this because, while I would definitely prepare myself with your lawyer friend, I think that like you described when you said things pretty much felt like walking on eggshells, there must be high tensions in your home right now.
A big part of the skills you will need in learning to develop good, sensible boundaries will depend on your own personal basic emotional balance. You will need to be patient with yourself and others. And to know where you are going.
Considering all that has happened on the home front for you lately, how would you describe you own emotional self? I mean. Do you feel on alert a lot? Lots of emotions? Or feeling numb? Do you get proper sleep? Eat healthy foods? These sort of things can affect the overall on board decisions and can color the overall points of view we get as we go along.
Say if you are not feeling well right now, say just for the body-mind connection, what would you think 3 new, different, self-care activities you could incorporate in your everyday starting now?
Doesn't have to be big, nor involving a lot of money.
I know this may sound trivial. But at first, you could start to implement some boundaries around this. Your own self care. Be honest that doing anything that could hinder your credibility down the road not impact your judgement whilst you chose whatever path you chose.
b) Like
FF says, than you go for the minor, than later medium type of boundaries. Once you have a sense of knowing how to find that calm-in-the-storm center for yourself, chances are that this in turn will affect the level of reactivity in your home. Only than would I start to implement some changes that would affect her. And very very very gradually.
I agree with
WW that there is time, but it's important to start now. I would say there is not enough time to wait for this to turn back to normal. This is more like a life change you might be experiencing than just a one battle.
What do you think?
Brave
This thread has been locked due to length and is continued here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=327715.0;all