Possible success...relief not to expect anything, at least didn't waste time

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My uBPDw was away for a week with the children at a camp.  Normally I would spend a large amount of time trying to take care of things around the house before she returns to hopefully make her feel appreciated etc.  This time, as some of you know, I did not do that.  I made sure the main living area was about how it was when she left and all the dishes I had used were washed but did not do anything else.  When she returned home today, she commented that the house looked nice.  That was the good part, as I was expecting nothing.  Along with that, she barely spoke to me and went straight to her can and gave it a bit of attention before laying down and falling asleep on the couch.  Both of the children hugged me as soon as they walked in the door but she barely acted like I existed.  This hurt but I expected that to be about how things would go.  It was a relief to not expect anything and not have to deal with feeling like I wasted a bunch of my time etc.

[Woodchuck]

My uBPDw was away for a week with the children at a camp.  Normally I would spend a large amount of time trying to take care of things around the house before she returns to hopefully make her feel appreciated etc.  This time, as some of you know, I did not do that.  I made sure the main living area was about how it was when she left and all the dishes I had used were washed but did not do anything else.  When she returned home today, she commented that the house looked nice.  That was the good part, as I was expecting nothing.  Along with that, she barely spoke to me and went straight to her can and gave it a bit of attention before laying down and falling asleep on the couch.  Both of the children hugged me as soon as they walked in the door but she barely acted like I existed.  This hurt but I expected that to be about how things would go.  It was a relief to not expect anything and not have to deal with feeling like I wasted a bunch of my time etc.

[Cat Familiar]

Hey Woodchuck,
This time, you got a well-deserved staycation and didn't have to do all that work to try and please her and she still said the house looked nice! 

I like the idea of minimizing how much work we codependent/caretaker types try to do in order to please our pwBPD. They typically don't either notice it or reframe it in a negative way. Best to do your share, and then take care of your own needs and do the things that bring you joy and happiness.

Cat

[Red5]

Hey Woodchuck,
... .you got a well-deserved staycation and didn't have to do all that work to try and please her and she still said the house looked nice! 

I like the idea of minimizing how much work we codependent/caretaker types try to do in order to please our pwBPD.

... .typically don't either notice it or reframe it in a negative way. 

Ah' yes... .I do love a good "staycation"!

You know, seems to me, the first twenty-four hours of staycation time is "depressurization time"... .as in I do absolutely nothing!

But generally, I do begin to "panic' a little as the return to base (RTB) time draws nigh... .and why per say do I do this... .hmmm?

I went away for three days last week, but by myself for work, "Pax River"... .I did not do any fishing, but I did find a pretty good eating joint in the "Solomon's", and I had some rock fish and shrimp, and two bud lites 

Yes, I do enjoy time when u/BPD wife is away for a day or two... .or three, and I do encourage it !

And upon u/BPDw's RTB, I do get the inevitable, ."you had all week, why wasn't x-y & z done as I asked"... .its then I execute my best eye-roll  ... .

Matter of fact, I myself am a bit overdue for a staycation, yeah, she needs to "hit the road"  !

Ya'll have a nice day, Red5