Feel fluey and weak. Need a little sleep. Am I being unreasonable?

[Blueskyday]

Ohh my Lord I am totally being played. Suddenly felt fluey and incredibly weak. The students have apparently given me a virus they picked up on the plane. I said to my dtr that I may need to get the child Saturday morning instead so I can sleep in a little.

Bearing in mind I have just gone back to work, have 2 strangers I have had to Mother and entertain all week. Its a problem!

She promised to return the money borrowed today then asked to extend to Monday "for food". Thats ok. She said she was worried about how the child will react which didn't make sense. Grandbaby knows I can get tired and if I don't collect her as planned takes it in her stride. She knows I will go get her Sat if I am too tired tomorrow.

So it transpires that my dtr has an evening out planned. All the gang are going... Why try to manipulate me with guilt. Its not about the child at all.

The other huge problem here is that she gets so stinking drunk whenever she has one drink.In an emergency I would not be able to contact her. It stresses me out so much. She wasn't going to say she was out either. Then there is the hangover and the "fear"/anxiety phase. The child suffers through this. I don't need this stress.

Since "poolgate" shes been very odd. Good odd and not so good odd. Not sure what to make of this... .and its on my dime

Any advice most welcome. Am I being unreasonable?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

Hi blueskyday

Such is the relationship with your granddaughter that she is very comfortable with change. Your consistency with her is everything.   I guess with your daughter she is also being consistently consistent... .with her BPD.

Of course you're tired. You have much on your plate and you are being totally reasonable. I can understand the worry with the alcohol and you have cause for concern. But you are doing all the right things. I hope through time, some of your worry turns to acceptance, only on the bais of your own health and wellbeing. Continual worry will compromise you physically and mentally.

You are very strong bluesky day and they very lucky to have you.  Take all the time you need to get better.  Thinking of you.

Merlot

[DoneMom]

Hello blueskyday,

Wow you do have a lot to deal with!  Your daughter is putting a lot on your already worn out shoulders... .vent here, read here when you can and get somje much needed support.  Perhays even advice on putting in place some firm boundaries to protect yourself.  I had to do that for my own sake in my daughter’s case. 

My dad23 feels entitled to food as a “basic human right” but it’s also her belief that she shouldn’t have to pay for it... .she works now but I used to help her with groceries when she was younger, for years and years.  It used to drive me crazy to go into a grocery store with her.  She would load my cart with expensive organic frozen meals & produce and enough cosmetic items to at least double my own weekly food buy. If I made any fuss at the checkout, she would tell me it was making her have a panic attack which made her leave.  I stopped this shopping together practice recently and I will not go into a store with her again. She’s had so many warnings.

I hope your daughter doesn’t add anymore to your stress levels & I hope you can find a little time and peace for yourself.

DMom

[Blueskyday]

  Merlot, done Mum... .Thanks so much for stopping by. My post moved so I didn't pick the title but I like it .

I went for a siesta at 7.30 and woke at 1.30am. I knew I was tired. I explained to my dtr Im trying not to allow myself to become overwhelmed. She don't care. On top of everything I have a virus now fgs. 2 x 18yr old girls are quite demanding if lovely... .I left food, a note on the floor in front of the door and still got a text message saying I am at home where are you?

Done Mom ,I have had the exact same experience. Also in a store my dtr chooses what she likes with gusto. Immediately I look at something I feel the push. If I want to browse she chats at me ( denigrating my choices) to move me along.

Mostly when looking at clothes she tries them on then focuses on her weight. The whole thing falls apart. If I am not mindful I try to make her feel better. She will say "I am having anxiety and can't talk about this now , can we go?" The cart has everything she needs and I have forgotten what I went in for. Then 40 minutes at checkout with her coupons.

I am remembering times when she's invited me only for me to realise she just wanted a lift in the car. I dropped in at dance as Grandbaby likes me to and I was literally on that street. Dtr got herself a drink in the pub and then asked me to get my own. I don't drink alcohol so what I would have costs pennies. I still can't get over her telling the child not to give me a bag of crisps because they didn't have food to "give away". These little slights hurt the most. I am truly seeing things for what they are. I'm sure its you guys and my depression has lifted miraculously with this B12.

Merlot I do so very much appreciate your kind words. I know I have a lot on my shoulders,too much. I look at where I was and how I have turned it around and am very proud of myself. Struck down in Nov and only just recovering well. Worryingly I feel nerve pain in the tail bone now. Sitting at the desk is the problem.

 The Universe and my little body were sending me a message. The very least I can do is listen. I must put myself first. I can do that and still be loving, giving and nurturing to those around me. I can't do that when I allow myself to dance to my dtrs tune. She has no respect for my autonomy. She does not see me as a person. I got it when she was a kid but she's nearly 30.

I know I keep saying it but I could not have gotten here without y'all

Sitting back and observing, clarity like never before. I have decided to have tomorrow evening to myself. I will collect the child on Saturday and return her home Sunday. My dtr will just have to deal.

One main issue I now see is my dtr constantly shifting of things to her advantage... I am seeing a pattern.
I say I will have the child. DD somehow has made this about her. Next thing may be can you get her by X Oclock as we are meeting up. Dont bring her back until X Oclock...
Now this weekend is not on my terms but on my dtrs.


Yes, Grandbaby knows I adore her and she knows if I can't pick her up there is good reason. She never feels slighted even if she's disappointed. I really don't like my dtr trying to guilt me.

I have walked around feeling like I had another person stood on my shoulders. That lifts when I dont communicate with my dtr. I know Its up to me to find and implement boundaries so I can feel lighter.

[Feeling Better]

Hi there Blueskyday

Sorry to hear that you’re not feeling too well, that’s all you need right now.

Wow, I have to say that I’m loving your self awareness, you have written so beautifully about putting yourself first. Yes, you are so right, you can do it and still be loving, giving and nurturing to those around you.

Hey, you have decided to pick your granddaughter up tomorrow, you have recognised that you are entitled to time to yourself tonight, now that is a good boundary for your own self care.

Have a great weekend with your lovely Grandbaby x 

[wendydarling]

Blueskyday  

It's Saturday morning here where I am, the sun is up, I hope you slept well and have a lovely time with your granddaughter  

WDx

[Daisy123]

Hello Blueskyday,
First of all - thank you for modeling how self care can work and just how important it is that our own health must come first.
It’s so terribly draining the selfishness, self centered ness this disease creates in our loved ones. You mentioned crisps and grocery shopping. Wow! Can I relate! I really wonder what it is in this disease that makes our loved ones seem so self absorbed?

[Blueskyday]

Hello Blueskyday,
First of all - thank you for modeling how self care can work and just how important it is that our own health must come first.
It’s so terribly draining the selfishness, self centered ness this disease creates in our loved ones. You mentioned crisps and grocery shopping. Wow! Can I relate! I really wonder what it is in this disease that makes our loved ones seem so self absorbed?

So necessary too, self care. They really should teach this in schools. Thanks for dropping by. I'm sorry you're recognising these behaviours... .So hard. I feel badly at times don't get me wrong but I need to keep my head above water emotionally. I've come to a point where i just can't take much more. I'm still experiencing panic and my dtr will allow me to absorb her pain if she can get it out. I think she sees it as my Maternal duty... Not so! Shes nearly 30

Wendy darling, it was so hot and we had amazing fun in the pool. Wow, we crawled in after 6 hrs swimming and playing... every muscle hurt in both of us.
We sang songs, used the lilo as a 2 seater canoe and the skimmer as a paddle singing row row row your boat... .I think I am as nuts as she is.

It all started very badly. I got a message saying if youre not up to it its fine. Hmm not like her to be selfless like that. I called to see if they were awake and my dtr was crying in front of the child. After all of the pinning me down she had actually decided not to go. Her friend said she wasn't happy. Then it all came out. The child was literally sitting next to her from what I can gather... She heard all about how my dtr can't buy food, can't afford to go on a bus. The money I gave her for food doesn't seem to have gone on food?

I am sitting in a room with 2 students and she just puts it all on my lap over the phone. I can't fix this for her. I said I had to get ready to collect the child.

When I got there she was literally asleep, barely looked at me. I picked the child up and we left. Child says "No more tears Mum"... She's 7 nxt month.

In the car I explain to her Mum needs sleep and told her what WW said... She can speak to me anytime confidentially. She said the friend was angry so I had to explain that the friend was like family. She didn't mean to upset her Mum. Child was defending her Mother.

Oddly when we got here Grandbaby was very rude in front of the students. She was very dismissive of the lovely gifts I had here for her. She gave me some lip. A parcel came and she opened the door, thanked the chap like an adult. Girls were laughing , it was cute. Then she put it on the counter and smashed it with her fist. Not like her! Not sure what the students thought but I felt uncomfortable with her behaviour and attitude. She did not know what was in the parcel. Never seen her like this before... .Anyone have any ideas? Is this connected? Is it just an almost 7 yr old showing off but innocently going too far?

Had a gentle word explaining that new ppl need to see the child we know her to be so they know she is normally polite and respectful, first impressions etc. She understood totally and we moved on.

So we had an amazing day... Then I had my dtr on the phone late evening crying again. She is afraid to leave the house in case something bad happens. She is afraid in the house. She has wasted 10yrs of her life. She is broke and can't buy food. She's getting fatter. She's not paying her bills. She doesn't have a car, she can't afford a bus. She cant speak to people. She doesnt deserve anything and she has nothing. There is nothing.

She's now "splitting" with the friend and "won't go there again", i.e open up to her... This friend has lent her £400.00 for 2 months. She's probably who she turned to after "poolgate" blackening my name.She's been there for her consistently. This girl told her she was depressed. She almost died a few yrs ago. She lost her figure by odema disfigurement and had a kidney transpant all at the same time. My dtr said she didnt have anything to be depressed about.I tried to say she maybe isn't in a good place either but instantly realised that I was being drawn in.

I am worried about the child. She got cheeky again and was breaking something at bedtime, stretching headphones. I said please don't do that and she continued. I simply said gently but firmly I haven't fixed the last thing you broke yet. I don't say things just to hear my voice  and she cried. I feel like a monster even tho she eventually went to bed happy.

I'm wondering if she's testing my boundaries to make sure I'm still in control of my life and therefore "safe".

I am worried about my dtr. I know she's in pain. I know she needs help but she needs to go to a medical professional. She almost said she was thinking of suicide on the phone. The day before yesterday she was trying to pin me down to have the child so she could go out drinking. It turns on a dime... .My brother killed himself so she knows she needs to be very careful with me where suicide threats are concerned.

She's not been paying her rent apparently, nor her utilities. She really could lose her home. I am back on the up but Im in pain again from work since getting the virus. Me being on the way to solvent  makes my dtr feel more alone. I have huge bills to pay and have very little wages next month too. It will barely cover the utilities... The students have saved me but Im not in a position to bail her out.

So she then tells me the same friend has given up work for her tomorrow. My dtr will go to work instead and earn the Sunday bonus whilst I have the child. What if I needed to take the child back early? I had no idea she wasn't going to be at home. She's so entitled with regards to me babysitting. Even a quick word, show respect and ask. Its not hard.

I can't function if she wants to shed her anxt regularly again. I think maybe I need to back off for a week or so. Of course this will play right into her fear of abandonment... Impossible situation

[Merlot]

Hi blueskyday

The Universe and my little body were sending me a message. The very least I can do is listen. I must put myself first. I can do that and still be loving, giving and nurturing to those around me. I can't do that when I allow myself to dance to my dtrs tune. She has no respect for my autonomy. She does not see me as a person. I got it when she was a kid but she's nearly 30.

I said those same words to my husband "she has no respect for my autonomy and she doesn't see me as a person".  it was very hard to rationalise.

I have to say that I'm so inspired by how far you have come in such a short time.  The recognition of your health and understanding your limits is such a strong position to be in.  It allows you to set those boundaries with confidence without compromising the love you have for your family.

It's interesting that your daughter seems to be aware of the shifting sands and is trying to find a work around.  She knows that she needs you and it's encouraging that you are one step ahead.  Well done 

I really hope your back is feeling better soon.

Talk to you soon 

Merlot

[Blueskyday]

Its hard Merlot but when it sinks in its in. They just don't see us. Grandbaby sees me!. She woke and asked me how my sore feet are, awwe.

Shes splashing away as I write. I have negotiated no nagging today if I lay outside the pool as I am way beyond fatigued. Its all systems go at 6 tomorrow again...

We made breakfast, she mixes the pancakes... It was all just "off" somehow... .It all came out with some gentle Qs... .Grandbaby is lonely at home with her Mother. It took her 2 hrs yesterday to wake her for breakfast. My dtr kept saying 5 more minutes... .for 2 Hrs... .shocking! Its not the messy house, the lack of money or even knowing about these things that's upset her. Dtr shows no interest. Grandbaby said she doesn't play with her either. This explains why she tries to squeeze so much out of me when were together. She wept in my arms, her little body shaking. I really think my dtr needs a good shaking!.

Granbaby is almost 7... She is growing so fast but she's not getting what she needs from her Mum. It makes me so sad. I took the opportunity and asked about the poolgate day. Grandbaby was confused and shocked she said... I explained as best I could to  6 yr old. Its important she doesn't misunderstand my motives in any situation, even if it means it shows her Mothers behaviour is wrong.Emotionally I am all she has.

She said Grandma, shes always drunk. I am used to it trust me... .

Ayy ayy ayy

[Feeling Better]

Hi Blueskyday

I just wanted to pop by your thread to see how things are going at the moment, hopefully all calm.

Sounds like you had a good weekend with your Grandbaby, I always think that the love given to us from our little grandkids is so pure. My heart melts and my face beams every time my little one, GD5, says “love you granny”.

I am so sorry that your little Grandbaby is going through what she is with her mother, however, you are a strong, stable and loving person in her life and she needs that, she needs that special someone x 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Blueskyday]

Yes it's amazing fb  . They do need us so much. I sometimes have asked myself if our oh so strong bond negatively affects her and her Mothers. I realise her Mother doesn't pay her much attention. She needs lots of attention and one to one play.

Things are calm thank you. The students seem to love me. Ive managed to get to work.

Sadly the pain, including nerve pain is back with a vengence. Maybe all that activity in the pool set me back... .Ohh dear the pain is unbearable. I have to push 6 really heavy fire doors to get to my desk and after walking 10 mins. Then the dreaded sitting... I had to use my walking stick today. Its all so bizarre. I sleep when I get in just to try and keep functioning. May have to do another juice fast.

Told my dtr and all she said was that I didnt build up tolerance, basically its my fault ... Ive booked 3 straight weeks off in August so will muddle through hopefully. I am frightened tho

[Feeling Better]

Ive booked 3 straight weeks off in August so will muddle through hopefully. I am frightened tho

Blueskyday, what are you frightened of? Finances?

[Blueskyday]

Ohh feeling better, no, not finances. I don't seem to care about money although it stressed me.
Suddenly the room was booked for winter and the students arrived so it saved me financially anyway.

I am frightened of the spasms returning. Wow, the pain is terrible. I am sure the building has created the whole thing. The 6 heavy doors etc. I had to stop halfway to work and lean on my cane yesterday. I was 5 mins late. Think I will ask to be moved to another dept for health reasons.

Dtr continues to fall into crisis. I have been banned from visiting because her house is so dirty. She fails to see if its too dirty for me to visit then its too diry for the kid to live in. She does have too much on her plate for sure. I do sympathise don't get me wrong. The problem is that she asks for help and advice then tells me that my advice is no good. My advice is invariably don't pile so much activity on your shoulders, don't over commit. Then her BPD kicks in and I don't know what I am talking about. Things need doing and i just don't get it.

Last night at 2.30am I have her on the phone (I wake up at 6) she's in the dark. Her cooker has tripped the electrics and they won't come back on. She has no time to get someone in. She can't afford a new cooker. She went along with my instruction so far then refused to do more but kept spiralling. She refused to isolate the cooker which of course she did  today and they all came back on.

I almost slept in for work and my student woke me bless her. I dont know how I got through today. Of course dtr is fine now for the moment... .ayy ayy ayy.

The dog is literally in the dog house for soiling the floor , (doesn't do that here) and she's been screaming at the poor dog. Well if the house didn't smell like the dump maybe the dog would be cleaner. She puts puppy mats down so the poor dog is totally confused. I was going to have her for the weekend to give her a break from the screaming but I just had to come home and sleep. Its all too much drama too much of the time.

How are you doing FB? Thanks so much for dropping by xx

[Feeling Better]

Hi Blueskyday

Sorry for jumping to conclusions. With you saying you’d booked 3 straight weeks holiday I wondered if maybe you wouldn’t get paid for them, I must have misunderstood what you wrote. So, all I can say is I’m so sorry to hear how bad your pain is right now, I’m sure those spasms you’re getting must be really awful. I had spasms in my back once, if yours are anything like the ones I had, then yes, I have to say they really are frightening 

Sounds like your daughter is still keeping you on your toes, it’s not the best to receive a phone call at 2.30am when you need to be up for work at 6.00am. You seem to be able to take these things in your stride though 

I hope that you’re having a much deserved rest this weekend.

Thanks for asking how I’m doing Blueskyday. I have my good days and my bad days, pretty much like most on here. I don’t have all the drama like you and many others, although I have had some in the past. My son lives in a different country to me and he has been NC with me for almost 18 months now. His birthday will be coming up soon and I can feel myself starting to feel anxious about it, still trying to work out what if anything I will say to him when I send him birthday wishes. No doubt there will be no response as usual.

Sometimes all we can do is to just look after ourselves and our own wellbeing x 

[Blueskyday]

I would have read it that way too fb... I had literally hit rock bottom financially. 3 straight weeks will be paid , thanks to God

Well I feel so badly after every interaction with my dtr recently. I just left her to walk back to the dance venue and feel terrible about it. She has been so off with me and demanding I've just had it. I so needed to get away from her misery and constant belittling of me. If I had driven her again today I wouldn't have been able to look at myself

I'm not well again and its a struggle. She thinks everything comes so easy to me. My home is beautifully managed thats why it looks easy. But it takes work she doesn't see.

Last night she tried and tried to bully me into going there at 8.30am to to the child's hair for the dance recital. She was shouting at me. She pressured me into going there and coming back on myself today.  Well if youre not taking us I will have to take a cab and on and on and on .I only went for the childs sake. I settled on just picking them up as I am so tired. Its not O.K!... Then she refused to come to the car until i called her despite me telling her to be outside. She shows no gratitude.

I wasn't bought a ticket for the evening as she assumed "the girls" would be there and of course that means a drinking session between shows. Well they aren't there and she's on her own. She told me she was walking back to the venue but then the hints start for me to go all out of my way and then try to get home. Drive me to the end of the car park? fgs... I tried to explain lanes etc and she just got more mad. You can't pull in if you're turning right from that car park.

I feel bad but I am so fed up of being manipulated into Taxiing her around. She truly doesn't care about me. She can barely bring herself to be civil with me atm.

We went for dinner after the matinee so the child could eat before her evening show. I drove.The man gave me extra ice cream. We both ordered the same. I told her and she looked me up and down and said "don't be ridiculous". How rude? Before she knew it he came up to me with a huge smile and said "quick eat some or I will be in trouble, I gave you far more than I should have". He was flirty with me when I was ordering. He thought I was Grandchild's Mum... She was so mad.

When the child came out of backstage she walked past her Mother and came to me. Dtr protested but I m not to blame because the child loves me.

I felt so bad not giving them a lift because of the child. I had to get away from her without giving into her again and losing all self esteem so I let them go. I know she's playing me but the child must be confused.

Dance sgow should have been  joyful event but my dtr even makes these seem like hard labour. So fed up now.

[Daisy123]

Hello Bluesky9,
What a horribly challenging day with GD and DD! Your DD’s interactions/reactions and demands are tremendous. No wonder you left her to find her way back. She seems completely unaware of just how much her demanding ways takes away from you. This seems to be so common among our loved ones. They just take and take and take!

A woman from my Family Connections group was so fed up with her DD that she felt overwhelmed with resentment (something I can relate to)
towards her DD. She said she had to put baby pictures of her DD on her mobile, hang them around her car, office and just so that she could recall the child that she’d once loved.

We, parents of BPD loved ones require near super power just to keep our heads above water.

My goodness, you weren’t feeling well to begin with... .How I wish your daughter could appreciate all that you do for her. And, yes, I can certainly see how her behavior sucked the joy out of what could have been a lovely day. I wonder if it is at all possible to have that super power of being mindful and present in those challenging moments? I’m just thinking to myself this because there have been so many moments in my life that should have been lovely, but because of my DD’s mood or actions, that portion of that day was ruined! Lost time- soo sad!

You did what you had to do to preserve whatever you had left of you. That is great self care.

Take good care !

Daisy123

[Blueskyday]

Ohh Daisy how right you are. I have long disassociated her from the babe in my arms. Don't know how we got here. Dont think were going back anytime soon.

Further observing... I asked her to pay for me at dinner yesterday till Thurs. She did it reluctantly but wriggled and hinted that it would leave her minus. I give her money constantly. This month I have 3 weeks half pay to come... So she called all day moaning about money until I transferred it... Thanks . She has been buying stuff online this evening, even sending me photos.
 I wanted to see what she would do if I borrowed from her for a change. Well I got my answer... She has called me for various nonesenses all day but is harsh, so harsh. I am so disabled at times its scary. The pain is back with a vengeance.

She tells me she's thinking of going to a theme park for the Grandbabys birthday. I said O.K but I am afraid i wouldn't be able to join you. I can see her on the morning of her birthday.

I took time off work to be with the child on her day but did not mention it. Dtrs response was "Well you did all this when she was 2". Yes I did but I have a sprained spine since then and that was 5 yrs ago.

Then... .I get another call later, sweet as sugar. Can I possibly borrow after payday to pay for my child's birthday party... .erm no! She could not care less about me. She can sort herself out. I am done bailing her out.

She has settled on a party finally so I will go. She told me she's miffed I didn't tell her I was off before she booked childcare for school hols... What a cheek! Entitlement!

As a punishment I am told Grandbaby cant come and swim in my pool. Dtr is working 2 days a week and said 5 days is not enough to give her the energy to bring the child. I just said fair enuff and she accused me of being "off". Yes I am "off". She doesnt realise I am permanently "off". Had enough

[Blueskyday]

Just read that back. I was just about to write that I am truly not as angry as I sound but that just wouldn't be true.

I am filled with anger and resentment towards her. I am calm on the outside. I am also beyond sad because I do see her struggles.

 I saved a kids life in Tunisia when my dtr was 10. Tunisian child was about the same age but tall. She was drowning and was pulled out into the sea. I swam and pulled her back into the roped area. She was so afraid that she literally pulled herself up onto my head thereby pushing me under. This is exactly what my dtr is doing to me.

The resentment is that she can be sweet when she wants something badly enough. I am being played big time.

I would have drowned if 3 rather burly men had not seen me go under too. Just as my lungs almost gave out I felt a huge hand on the back of my neck and I was safe. No one is looking now

[Merlot]

hI blueskyday

Just wanted to check in with you.  Since Poolgate, it seems like the patterns of behaviour keep coming at you in waves.  You come up for air, only to be hit with another wave... .good to see you are letting some now wash over you rather than smash you.

When we change our behaviour, we see a corresponding change in theirs, usually resentment, punishment or the like.  You love your GD and you always will and even if you don't taxi them she will love you.

I have long disassociated her from the babe in my arms. Don't know how we got here. Dont think were going back anytime soon.

I could have said this myself... .it's a very sad realisation that our child it still very much the child... .I feel exactly the same way and it breaks my heart.

How is your pain, is it under control?

Thinking of you

Merlot

[Blueskyday]

Hey Merlot,
pain has started up again. I am back to work full time. My boss is actually an ass. He spent the annual appraisal he forced me into Friday trying to get me to agree to train him... .He pouted like a child when I said No... He also wants me to train his seasoned staff ... .Why would I put myself in that position... .line myself up for resentment. I am a master of customer care and was a training officer. He struggles to manage 6 people.

I have asked to be seconded. I realised the 6 fire doors between the entrance and my desk have either sprained my spine or are ensuring it remains sprained... He will try to block it but I will try.

Things are so bad with my dtr she can no longer look at me or spend any time on the phone/around me without being mean. Grandbaby told me Sunday she has noticed. I will not Gaslight the child . I said I havent been around because of it. The other day she tried to give me a little cake. I had to say no because my dtr had made it clear I can not be given food.

I went Friday to get the pooch. She was out. I was refused the child as they were doing something. They didn't do anything .

Poor kid is stuck in a dirty house with a stressed out Mother. So Sunday I took the dog back and brought the kid to swim. She cried when I corrected a behaviour and it all came out again.

Her mother shouts, doesn't play with her. She gives her sandwiches for lunch and dinner. I cut everything up and make cucumber animals and her Mum literally takes stuff from the cupboard and throws it on a plate. Poor kid!

She said she doesnt want to speak to her mum about this as it will "all get worse".

I took her home last night and the resentment was palpable. I sat there for a minute, didn't even offer me a drink  till i said i was going


No relationship there at all now. She is angry because I am sorting thiigs out and shes getting deeper into debt and trouble. She could lose her home. I did not get her here. As hard as she scrambles to try and make it seem that way she cant. Im kind of heart broken at the moment but I didnt contact her today.

Lovely day with the child marred by suggestions Ive over chlorinated my pool and given her a rash. Its all nonsense of course

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Blueskyday]

Update :

Made a call today to speak to Grandbaby. It cost me £80.00.

I am so sure I am being beautifully played. My daughter cried in the phone about money. Immediately I called it started. She took the dog from me last year and has complained about the responsibility since. She needed grooming and injections so she took her today. She went on and on about the cost to me crying, wailing. I felt I had no choice but to send her the money. She told me the child can't eat because she spent the money on the dog. There's no one she can turn to. On and on, over the same thing.

She knows I am trying to make up for 2 months lost wages . She spoke about going to the doctor to be put on Lithium... .all in front of the child. I could actually cry. I am so tired I got drawn right in.

She's saying there will be no birthday party for the child... there's no money. Poor kid is listening. Well the party is not happening here for me to clean up after.

So an hr later I get to speak to my Grandbaby who sounds so sad... I can hear "come get me Grandma" in her voice.

So I say I will come get you Friday. Dtr says well we had kind of arranged to go out for pizza 

Slipped up I think! How can you be in such a state and yet arrange a play date which costs a fortune in this City.


She resents spending the money on the dog because she feels its my duty. I got the dog and she took her because I was too ill to look after her and she was barking as I was working from home. Now the dog and the kid are really bonded and she resents me as she thinks I have no responsibilities.

Probably better that I didn't twig on the call. I am £80.00 Lighter... wow!
Shes a mess. She's not paying rent or utilities.

It will hit the fan any moment now and she will be homeless. She can not come here.

I will end up with the dog and the child but she cant ever live in my house again

[wendydarling]

Hi blueskyday  

Checking in with you, how are you managing?   I've been wondering if you've been able to transfer to a department better suited to your physical and emotional needs. Is it going ok with students in your home? I was talking with a relatively new neighbour last night, a father who has three children under 8, they engaged an au pair earlier this year and he said it help calm the home, his wife's behaviour a bit, she is extremely volatile, I believe BPD, he's reaching out for help and understanding. Are you feeling benefits of students in your home, change of dynamics?

Hope to hear from you when you have time, we're here for you, always.

WDx  

[Merlot]

Hi blueskyday

Also just wanted to check in with you and see how you are going?

I hope that you are finding some balance. Thinking of you

Merlot