D14 being forced to go to homecoming with a creep

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Mom (my husband's ex) is trying to live through D14 and has been arranging some relationship with this creepy kid I'll call Kevin. Her friends warned her about him and regularly provide distractions and ways for her to get away from him at school. Kevin is known for touching random girls without permission. There's probably more I haven't heard yet.

Mom has broken into D14's phone to text with this guy and make it sound like D14 is interested. She acknowledges the things D14 tells her and then goes back to trying to get them together. We haven't seen them since then so I don't know about the pressure she is under. You can imagine how upset my husband is right now.

What can we do?

[isharcanis]

Mom (my husband's ex) is trying to live through D14 and has been arranging some relationship with this creepy kid I'll call Kevin. Her friends warned her about him and regularly provide distractions and ways for her to get away from him at school. Kevin is known for touching random girls without permission. There's probably more I haven't heard yet.

Mom has broken into D14's phone to text with this guy and make it sound like D14 is interested. She acknowledges the things D14 tells her and then goes back to trying to get them together. We haven't seen them since then so I don't know about the pressure she is under. You can imagine how upset my husband is right now.

What can we do?

[takingandsending]

D14 should get a PIN for her phone and not share it with her mom.

This is beyond disturbing. How much time does D14 live with her mom?

[isharcanis]

She solved the phone problem.

Mom has full custody. We have one week-night and every other weekend visitation.

[isharcanis]

I'm giving this a bump because I haven't gotten another response.

[worriedStepmom]

The more you share, the more I think that your husband needs to file for a custody modification.  This behavior in particular would be highlighted in my affidavit for an emergency change of custody.

[ForeverDad]

Do you have a local experienced, proactive lawyer lined up?  With years of practical experience with the local court, judges and trials, the lawyer should have some strategies and approaches that are more likely to work than others.

I don't know what the solution was regarding the phone?

Be prepared with alternative solutions.  If the court will not shift full custody from mom to dad then will it at least make some sort of improvement?  Increase dad's time?  Give dad Decision Making or Tie Breaker status on major issues... .but that may require they go to joint legal custody?

[isharcanis]

Do you have a local experienced, proactive lawyer lined up?  With years of practical experience with the local court, judges and trials, the lawyer should have some strategies and approaches that are more likely to work than others.

I am working on getting a new lawyer. He's been very loyal to her but I don't think she has the experience or interest for a case like this. Her only solution has been to send a letter to mom saying we know she's doing bad things.

I don't know what the solution was regarding the phone?

Her sister sold her out by giving mom the code. There was also a problem with the fingerprint reader working for her mom. She has a new phone and a new emphasis on security.

but that may require they go to joint legal custody?

That's what we always thought he had but then the school refused to talk to us about one of the girls. She had agreed to that. The paperwork is being drawn up to make that clear and reduce his child support which she also agreed to. I'm trying not to rock the boat on anything until we get that joint legal in writing.

[Panda39]

Just throwing this out there... .Are there any parents Chaperoning the party? Could you volunteer?  If not, and it's only teachers can you get in touch with them about your concerns.  Could SD and creepy Kevin go with a group of friends and not alone? Could you talk with her about giving you a call to check in or if she has any problems.

I agree with the others I would work towards additional custody.

Panda39

[livednlearned]

Mom (my husband's ex) is trying to live through D14 and has been arranging some relationship with this creepy kid I'll call Kevin. Her friends warned her about him and regularly provide distractions and ways for her to get away from him at school. Kevin is known for touching random girls without permission. There's probably more I haven't heard yet.

Mom has broken into D14's phone to text with this guy and make it sound like D14 is interested. She acknowledges the things D14 tells her and then goes back to trying to get them together. We haven't seen them since then so I don't know about the pressure she is under. You can imagine how upset my husband is right now.

What can we do?

I must be missing something. Is the problem that you and H need help with helping her say no?

Or is it possible she wants to go and is saying mom is making her, because she's getting attention from a boy her friends don't like?

If you think mom is involved, why not contact Kevin's parent and say this date isn't happening, and these texts are coming from an adult married woman, so.

[isharcanis]

I must be missing something. Is the problem that you and H need help with helping her say no?

Or is it possible she wants to go and is saying mom is making her, because she's getting attention from a boy her friends don't like?

If you think mom is involved, why not contact Kevin's parent and say this date isn't happening, and these texts are coming from an adult married woman, so.

This is 100% mom's fantasy. I like the idea of contacting the parents. I'll add this to my list.

[isharcanis]

Just throwing this out there... .Are there any parents Chaperoning the party? Could you volunteer?  If not, and it's only teachers can you get in touch with them about your concerns.  Could SD and creepy Kevin go with a group of friends and not alone? Could you talk with her about giving you a call to check in or if she has any problems.

I agree with the others I would work towards additional custody.

Panda39

Her friends help her navigate with him at school and they will be for homecoming. He follows her around and they help her get away. She'll be here tonight and this weekend. We'll devise a plan then. I'm willing to go to the mat for this nonsense. Since we just found out that their "joint legal custody" is a verbal agreement and his lawyer didn't get it in writing, I'm a little cautious. I want her to offer that freely. I told DH that he needs to get those papers asap.