hi sp,
"magical thinking" is synonymous with superstitious thinking, ie "if i step on a crack i will break my mothers back" or "i had negative thoughts about a person and they became ill, and my thoughts must have caused the illness".
Its a slight distortion from reality that ALWAYS skews the story to work for her, either puffing herself up, victimizing herself.
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but my DD maintains/swears/screams that she doesn't do any of the things she is accused of
this is about a perspective, world view, conflict style, even coping mechanism at times, that is usually central to BPD, much like "everyone will always disappoint or abandon me". its not easy to see our role in conflict, and its all the harder when its deeply ingrained, or when, to a certain extent, it works for us.
so its kind of like the idea of being told "the sky is actually green", except not only would it blow your mind, it would threaten your entire way of thinking and being.
But the result is that she then doesn't (can't?) accurately report what is going on to her therapist.
how long has she seen the therapist?
most therapists are trained to spot their patients coping mechanisms, the distortions in their thoughts and versions of events, and know that there are two sides to every story, so while they may find areas to validate and build trust, they will generally take any patients story as their perspective, and with a grain of salt.
How do we help our children with BPD see reality more clearly?
never underestimate the power of asking validating questions.
ASKING VALIDATING QUESTIONS
*Excerpted from"I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better"
By Gary and Joy Lundberg
Asking the right question is vitally important in helping someone discover the solutions to their problems. Without these questions they will fall back on "What am I supposed to do?" Remember, you don't have to solve their problem. In fact, you don't even how the power to solve it. You can help them, however, by asking the kind of validating questions that will lead them to the exploration of their own feelings and desires, and to their own solutions.
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You'll accomplish far more if you use one of the more caring questions such as, "What happened?" The "why" questions just don't have any good answers. They are mostly used in anger or disgust. Questions that back people into a corner don't help. If you get out of the habit of using them and into the habit of using gentle, more validating questions, your children, spouse, and everyone you care about will be more likely to open up to you. Then good solutions can be discovered and applied.
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