I recently had to put my 13 year old Labrador, Jake, down

[tjohnson]

So my suspected exBPD contacted me semi out of the blue yesterday, and it threw me for a pretty good loop.  I recently had to put my 13 year old Labrador, Jake, down, and she sent me a condolences text saying the she had heard about Jake.  I replied very simply with "thanks, he was a good dude".  The thing is, I don't really know how she "heard" about Jake's passing.  We don't really have mutual friends and I asked the two people that may of talked to her if they had, and they had not.  The only thing I can think of, is I changed my Facebook profile pic to a picture of Jake, and put a tribute on it.  We are not friends on social media anymore, as she made a post of her trip to Thailand while we were still together, and the post included pics of her with a guy she was hanging out with most of the trip.  She made the post 2 weeks after we had the breakup talk, so I unfriended her, because I know it was not going to help seeing that kind of stuff going forward.  We have had zero contact for about 5 months, until yesterday.  This breakup has been extremely hard on me, and I feel like this text set me back a little.  I know the relationship is over, and there is no going back, but I still hurts a tremedous amount.  

I guess my question is, is this normal BPD type behavior?  Contacting you after a long period of no contact?  Did I respond appropriately, or should I have not responded?

[zachira]

Your question is hard to answer because we can't see inside the mind of your ex BPD. It is difficult to know whether totally ignoring her is the best strategy or to briefly respond. I think you have to do what is best for you. Did responding increase or decrease your anxiety about possible future attempts for her to contact you? You are wondering how she is still able to find out what is going on in your life.