How to handle international separation

[FaithHopeLove]

There is so much wisdom here. So I want to ask another question. I am an international theological educator which means I teach in two seminaries outside the states. One is in Myanmar (Burma) and the other is in Liberia. I have been doing this for 3 years. This work means being away for about 3 months a year. Sometimes my husband goes with me the whole time
 Other times he just visits for a month or so.I am scheduled to leave for Liberia in August. I look forward to doing this difficult but rewarding work. However I am concerned about how it will affect my BPD son. I don't want him to feel abandoned. At this point I am thinking the best option is to ask my husband to stay in the states near our son and only visit me for a month. Do you all have any other ideas? (DS cannot go to Africa )

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello FaithHopeLove

It's great you're thinking of how the separation will affect your son, being mindful of his abandonment issues. There's still a lot of time between now and your next assignment in August and a lot can happen between now and then.

By focusing on strengthening your relationship with your son and taking care of yourself, the answer of whether your H should stay in the states, come for a month, or come for the whole assignment, may become more clear.

~ OH

[FaithHopeLove]

Thank you OH for your encouraging words. I agree that, over the next few months, the right way to go will become clear. I am thankful for a community that helps me think about this in the meantime. I imagine many people here are struggling with how to balance our love for our children and our need to follow our own dreams in life. Thanks again.

[loveandcare]

OP... .how old is your son? Does he live with you usually?

[FaithHopeLove]

He is 24. He does not live with us.

[Harri]

Hi.  How exciting your teaching is!

In another thread you mentioned that your son will start DBT once his current program is finished.  Will that happen soon or is it hard to tell?  I ask because some of the skills taught in DBT might be helpful for when you are away.  Even if he will not be in DBT soon, you might want to talk with your own therapist about what you can do to help prepare him and to help him learn good coping skills for the situation.

I know it is not the same but (!) when one of my T's was going to be leaving we starting on me accepting it 3 months in advance.  It was a critical and delicate time for me and being prepared and reminded and being taught skills helped me.

Just a thought.  What do you think?

[FaithHopeLove]

I am not sure exactly when he will begin DBT. He may already be doing some version of it in his current program. I am already talking with my own therapist about how to handle this. For now we are taking a "wait and see" attitude. Thanks for your input.