Daughter Newly diagnosed. Need help with dialogue

[Pennywillow]

Hi. Thank you for taking the time.  My 16 yr old daughter is newly diagnosed with emerging BPD traits.  I’ve read a bunch and the dx “fits”.  Currently she lives at a residential program and is going to transfer into a different program within the next month or so (hopefully). She also has autism level 1.  The program she is in is the wrong program for her.  They refuse to listen to her and she has gotten worse since being admitted. She has been there for 19 months.   I hired an outside psych dr to assess her and he diagnosed emerging BPD traits and kept her prior ASD, depression and anxiety dx.  He suggests she not be told of the BPD diagnosis prior to being in a program which would support her clinically. She knows about the assessment of course and is curious about the results. I have never lied to her and I do not wish to begin now.  My question for all of you is how can I explain and validate her clinical needs without labeling them BPD. The dr is concerned because she is morphs into identities and he would like to see her in a supportive program prior to telling her specifics.  She has known about autism (ASD) for years and loves that part of herself; when her current program refused to acknowledge her ASD and even told her she didn’t have it... .she was very upset and confused.  We all were. I let her know that ASD was diagnosed again.   So... .how can I share with her?  Thanks.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello Pennywillow and

You have found a very supportive community and I'm glad you have reached out, looking for answers.

I'm sure it's very difficult to follow the psych dr.'s advice and not share the diagnosis, you've always been honest with your daughter (DD), she trusts you, and trust is so very important in relationships.

I'm inclined to side with the psych dr. on this, getting her into a more supportive environment first, but do I understand your reluctance to keep this under wraps. I don't have an answer for you, I'm sorry. Hopefully someone will come along and have some advice for you; perhaps someone who has been where you are.

Did the psych dr. have any suggestions on what you might say to her?

Again, welcome - I'm glad you are here.

~ OH

[incadove]

Hello Pennywillow, welcome!

You ask a thoughtful question, I also really value being truthful and open with dd's.

Could you possibly tell just her honestly, 'dr psych has a new diagnosis for you that includes ASD and other features, but he is afraid of the label affecting you before you are in a supportive environment to cope with it.  So he wants to set up what you need first, and then explain the labels'

It might upset her to be given partial information, but at least it would not seem like a betrayal later?

Sounds like you have a very open and positive relationship with your daughter, kudos on maintaining that through a difficult period!