Would a pwBPD go so far as to fake nightmares for attention?

[WindofChange]

I'm in a relationship that I'm preparing to leave, but haven't taken the final step yet. I have seen evidence of his manipulation, and have caught him in many lies. Although the past several months have been better (since I moved out), he used to be very emotionally abusive and either yell at me and make me feel like everything was my fault, or give me the ST all day on the weekends. He is in weekly therapy now. Just to give a little background. Currently, I have been spending the night maybe once a week.
I have wondered sometimes if he fakes nightmares when I get out of bed, because I’ve slept next to him all night and he never made any sound of distress. But when I’ve gotten up and am sitting in the living room drinking coffee, I’ve (several times) heard him moan or cry out, apparently in his sleep. When I go in to see about him, he appears to still be asleep but in distress. I will typically lie down next to him, put my arm around him and try to gently wake him. He "wakes up," looks at me blearily, then hugs me close. Could it all be an act? How horribly disturbing to even consider this…but I have wondered, more than once. Could it just be a twisted ploy to get my attention? The thought really disturbs me. If so, why? I give him attention all the time. I’m always sympathetic, always offer him comfort and compassion when he seems upset or down. Does he just want me to come back to bed, and can't just come out and ask like a reasonable person?
He does often complain about not feeling well--tired, headache, muscle aches, stomach issues, allergies, whatever. I have sometimes wondered if he makes it sound worse than it is (or completely fabricates it) for attention.
I know pwBPD are capable of incredible manipulative ploys. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

[Cat Familiar]

Not sure about whether he's doing this purposefully. However, after being married to two BPD husbands, I'm thinking that as much as they have more emotionality about things in waking life, that might carry over to the dreamworld too.

Both my former husband and my current husband have reported very extensive detailed dreams, technicolor dreams, with plot lines like convoluted movies. In fact both could talk for well over a half hour about their dreams with vivid details and even then they told me that was just a short summary.

By contrast, I go to sleep and wake up. Sometimes I'll remember a fragment of a dream, but much of the time I'm not sure that I dream at all. I've often felt envious of these adventures they go on during nighttime hours.

[formflier]

  Has anyone else experienced something like this?

Not exactly. 

I'm convince my wife sometimes has dreams..gets ticked off and wakes up mad. 
 
The snuggling really helps.  Most mornings we'll snuggle (non sexual) for 15 to 30 minutes..then get up and get going.

Much better to get your day started with some relative calm..(the snuggle)..than not.

A few comments:  BPD tends to be an "disease" of intimacy.  More intimacy = more bad behavior.  So when you lived together...bad.  You put in distance...good.

It's a balancing act that YOU will have to manage.  They can't.  They want close but can't take it...and don't realize the relationship.

2nd:  You'll never know it is a manipulation for sure.  I would encourage you to give him the benefit of the doubt.  If you can...snuggle him.  If you don't have time...go on about your day.

Last:  Many pwBPD have really BAD sleep habits.  I would guess that increases chances for bad dreams.

I'm kinda like Cat Familiar.  Rarely remember my dreams.

FF

[WindofChange]

CF, it's funny, I sometimes have really vivid and detailed dreams, though not nearly as often as I once did. My ex-husband used to tell me he dreamed in commercials, while I dreamed in mini-series.
FF, I guess it could be a part of having BPD that he now tells me he is sorry for lying to me and driving me away, and wishes we could live together again. But when I was there, doing everything I could to try to make it work, he was just angry and distant and resentful. Once a week is about all I can handle, honestly. And I enjoy the snuggling as well. I guess having dealt with his manipulative behavior many times over the years, I start to question everything he does and says. He has been diagnosed with PTSD as well as the BPD, from childhood trauma, so he could be telling the truth.  I was just curious about what kind of experiences others have had with their BPD partners.

[formflier]

I would be interested in what the actual "lie" was.

Sometimes/many times "feelings equals facts" for a pwBPD so they really believe something and say it.   Then their feelings change so they can't "believe" they ever said/did (fill in the blank).

That's very different than deliberately creating a deception.

I'm not trying to give pwBPD a pass but hoping to help you look at this from all angles.  If they seem emotional..be suspicious of what you are being told.  See if you can validate it..instead of believing it.  (there is big difference in validating and believing)

FF

[WindofChange]

FF, about two years ago he was lying to me about going to work when he had actually left early or called in sick. He didn't get paid when he called in, as it was a long term assignment through a temp agency, so he said he lied about it because he didn't want me to get mad at him. I came home early from work sick one time and there he was. I began to think he was seeing someone else. He lied to me about telling his ex-wife he was seeing me (several months after they were separated). The biggest lies, however, were last year when he lied to me about what went on when he was out of town for training/class several times. He would lie to me about who he went to dinner with (women) and about meeting a drunk female classmate at a bar one night. He would tell me he was staying in his hotel room eating alone but then I found out he'd be out to dinner with a couple of the younger women instead. I contacted the woman he met at the bar, and she sent me the messages they had exchanged on FB (he had told me she invited him to the bar via FB but he told her no). He invited her to text him instead of messaging. She also told me that another night when he walked her back to the hotel from the bar that he later came back to her room and told her he was upset because he and I had an argument on the phone, and he needed to talk. Another time, I came down and stayed all night with him while he was at training and while at dinner with another couple, the man mentioned how my bf would come to the bar on the nights they all went and would sing karaoke. This after swearing he didn't meet up with everyone there and never sang karaoke (why lie about singing karaoke?).
The clincher for me was the young woman telling me he met her at the bar and then came to her room. She's married and said for her she was just being friendly and was never attracted to him or anything. When I filled her in on a few things about his treatment of me and his lies, she was shocked, as his persona in class was so different.
He later told me he lied to avoid conflict, as he knew I would be jealous and suspicious of him hanging out with other women. Well, when you lie about things like the above, what Else are you lying about?
There are more lies, but this gives you a good idea, hopefully, of the nature of what he lied about.
I still don't know if anything went on with another woman. He swears he did nothing. Says he couldn't, as he loves me too much. I just don't know. I'll probably never know all of the lies. I've made mistakes in the relationship too, soI've tried to forgive him and move on, but it's hard.

[formflier]

Oh...my...that's not what I expected.   

What are you getting out of this relationship?

FF

[WindofChange]

Lol, good question. He was diagnosed over the summer officially with BPD. After two months of LC, he told me he didn't want to move on, he missed me. Said he was so sorry for how he treated me, and wanted to make it up to me. Said he's learning how to control his reactions through therapy. And there haven't been any blowups like there used to be. But we aren't living together, either.
When I think about his good qualities, what I think about is that: he loves animals, he's open-minded and we have similar political beliefs, similar taste in music, he's romantic and affectionate, can be very charming and loving. We have always had good chemistry physically, so there's that...
I guess it's hard to let go after almost 7 years together. When we spend time together, it's like the good times used to be. We have fun together, cuddle, make love, all of that.
But...he's still unemployed, plays video games all day or gets on social media, or sleeps (the night time sleep issues are a factor, I'm sure). He's okay with letting me pay when we go to dinner, because he doesn't have much money. He's unwilling to take just any job in order to get some income coming in (unemployment will run out soon). He doesn't want anything but a first shift position with weekends off because it would interfere with his visitation with his young child.
You know, when he's being romantic and fun...I guess it makes me feel young again. But you can't build a life on that, not really. So I do intend to end things. It's just hard to do...