I haven't changed

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Realized after last night that although I'm much wiser I'm concerned nothing has changed in who I'm attracted to.

Story:
So I'm on vacation in the Philippines visiting a friend and island hoping which I decided to do after my recent breakup (2+ months ago) to hopefully help me move forward and treat myself.  Been going to bed early and mainly doing daytime activities like swimming and scuba.  Until last night I had no interest in any nightlife/drinking.

Yesterday was my last night of vacation and my first night alone so I was bored and curious.

Well I ended up at a bikini bar...  I have to say had the best time I've had in years.  I didn't do anything with any of the girls, I just sat at the bar bought a few rounds of drinks, talked, flirted, and laughed a lot.

Now while these girls are extremely different from your typical American strippers it's still the same story, I find myself highly attracted to girls with problems and wanting to help.  I can't ditch the knight in shining armor thing.

There are a couple silver linings like feeling normal again for the first time since the breakup.  But anyways I don't think it's anything I didn't know and it reinforces that I definitely need some therapy.

[Vexed]

Realized after last night that although I'm much wiser I'm concerned nothing has changed in who I'm attracted to.

Story:
So I'm on vacation in the Philippines visiting a friend and island hoping which I decided to do after my recent breakup (2+ months ago) to hopefully help me move forward and treat myself.  Been going to bed early and mainly doing daytime activities like swimming and scuba.  Until last night I had no interest in any nightlife/drinking.

Yesterday was my last night of vacation and my first night alone so I was bored and curious.

Well I ended up at a bikini bar...  I have to say had the best time I've had in years.  I didn't do anything with any of the girls, I just sat at the bar bought a few rounds of drinks, talked, flirted, and laughed a lot.

Now while these girls are extremely different from your typical American strippers it's still the same story, I find myself highly attracted to girls with problems and wanting to help.  I can't ditch the knight in shining armor thing.

There are a couple silver linings like feeling normal again for the first time since the breakup.  But anyways I don't think it's anything I didn't know and it reinforces that I definitely need some therapy.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Vexed, I would argue that you have changed because now you are mindful of yourself.  You didn't do anything with any of the women.  You are aware of your tendency to be a knight in shining armor.  You realize that you are attracted to women with issues.  Awareness is everything in my view, because with awareness you are in a position to choose and make changes.  You are on your way, my friend.  Sure, meeting with a T is a good thing to keep you on track.

LuckyJim

[once removed]

addicts have self awareness. so do serial killers 

change is about making better choices.

I find myself highly attracted to girls with problems and wanting to help.  I can't ditch the knight in shining armor thing.

while it sounds noble, when we gravitate toward this as a relationship model, its often less about being attracted to the person, and more about what we get out of it. and that has a lot to do with how we see ourselves, and where we get our sense of self worth. so i would ask myself where that comes from, what ive gotten out of it.

i dont think we just "change who we are attracted to". i think its more about identifying, and gravitating, consciously and practically, to a healthier model of relationships, ourselves, and the ways we relate to other people.

[Lucky Jim]

change is about making better choices.

Right, OR, which is why I wrote:

with awareness you are in a position to choose and make changes.

If you are "in a position to choose," then you can make better choices.

LJ