Having BPD does not excuse physical violence. Does it?

[Damaged92]

Brand new low reached. Being punched in the gut. Beaten on the back and buttocks with clenched fists. Hair pulled out and attempted suffocation. All because he cannot deal with the fact that it his behaviours that have gotten us to this point. That he cannot accept any wrongdoing. No doubt that in his mind it will be justifiable. I deserved it . It wasn't his fault. My voice was raised. I felt angry with him. He reacted with a tirade of abuse.
He will feel vindicated because he has BPD he can't help himself so it's ok. I cannot deal with his blatant use of the BPD get out of jail free card anymore. I'm done.

[Cat Familiar]

Did you call the police? Are you safe now?  Please do whatever you can to de-escalate any potential violence. It's better to leave than to argue back or try and defend yourself. Do you have friends or family you can stay with?

[boatingwoman]

He tried to kill you. Is he in jail?

[Harri]

Hi there.  No, having BPD does not excuse violence or abuse.

Are you safe now?  

Can you contact a local domestic violence shelter?  It is important that you have a safety plan in place and that you are prepared to leave before doing so.  Here is a link to our Domestic Violence protocol that you may find helpful.

What sort of action did you take after this happened? 

[Turkish]

Damaged92

That sounds like brutal physicality.  How do your throat and stomach feel after that? Do you you have anyone in your personal life to reach out to for support? Even if you're hesitant to reach out,  you don't have to deal with this alone.  Can you call a local help line? These are anonymous. I referred someone I know to a local YWCA (USA women's advocacy organization) number and after talking to them she told me it helped because she didn't know what to do. 

Can you call and let us know?

[I Am Redeemed]

Damaged 92,

That is a horrible thing to have to go through, and no, BPD is no excuse. Even people with serious mental disorders are responsible for their own behavior.

I read on your other thread about your physical condition and how your H's reckless driving has already caused you to be in pain. Assaulting you on top of that is inexcusable. Have you been able to seek medical care?

I sincerely hope you are safe. No one deserves to be treated like that.

Sending you hugs,

 

Redeemed

[Red5]

Brand new low reached.

Being punched in the gut.

Beaten on the back and buttocks with clenched fists.

Hair pulled out and attempted suffocation.

…because he cannot deal with the fact that it his behaviors that have gotten us to this point?

…he cannot accept any wrongdoing?

Good Morning D92,

No, the answer is "no".

If a person has any mental disorder, either diagnosed or not (perceived/suspected)… any physical abuse is a 'no-go'.

NOT acceptable, and should not be tolerated.

I've just recently dealt with this type of scenario… my own uBPDw got into an altercation with my autistic son (step mother)… and she hit him.

We became separated over this incident… which has been building (boiling) for a few years now…

I know its tough, the cognitive dissonance is overwhelming to me…

But hitting is a hard deal breaker, hitting leads to worse, as you are writing… this is dangerous territory.

As the others posted, make sure you are safe, and no longer threatened… kind regards,

Red5

[FisherKing]

Get out of there! If somebody attempts to suffocate you, there is a much higher chance of them murdering you in the end! BPD is not an excuse to be violent.

[AskingWhy]

pwBPD are notorious for blaming others for their behaviour regardless of how egregious or unhealthy their actions.  Damaged, you need to immediately consider your safety as others have recommended.  Now!

In a safe place, you must make an honest assessment of your R/S and your future.

BPDs make threats or physical and emotional abuse, and this is common (breaking objects, threats of divorce, etc.) but once the actual physical violence becomes a reality to you, your children (as in the case of Red5), or the pets, the line is drawn in the sand and you can't go back.

You must make a decision here and now.

Please read the book by Gavin de Becker, "The Gift of Fear," on domestic violence and that the free, anonymous MOSAIC test to assess your safety and your partner's potential for violence.  Please do this for your own safety.

https://www.mosaicmethod.com

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

www.oprah.com/oprahshow/mosaic-gavin-de-beckers-online-threat-assessment-tool

[Harri]

Now is the time to be careful and cautious and NOT make fast decisions about leaving.  If you do choose to leave, planning needs to happen.  It needs to happen even if you plan to stay.  No one here can tell you what you should do.  You need to make that call.

Please do use the MOSAIC as linked by AskingWhy to assess your situation.  At the end, where you receive the assessment, there is a whole section (chapter) from Gavin DeBecker's book the gift of fear and it has excellent information for all of us to read through.  Also check out the safety first link I gave earlier in the thread.

Could you just let us know how you are?  As you can see, we are concerned.