Adult child living at home

[Parents! Get help here!]

I have 33 year old child living with me that has undiagnosed BPD  (according to many therapists that I have visited). Can’t or won’t keep a job. Always complaining about being sick and unable to work and being disrespected at work.  Doctors say it in their head and have run many tests without finding anything.  I’m tired of the rages (turns into the Hulk) and being blamed for everything.  I try SET but I usually end up hurt and angry.  I want to run away from it all but know that’s not the answer.  Any suggestions or words of encouragement.  Am I just  enabling her.  Thanks

[Again2]

I have 33 year old child living with me that has undiagnosed BPD  (according to many therapists that I have visited). Can’t or won’t keep a job. Always complaining about being sick and unable to work and being disrespected at work.  Doctors say it in their head and have run many tests without finding anything.  I’m tired of the rages (turns into the Hulk) and being blamed for everything.  I try SET but I usually end up hurt and angry.  I want to run away from it all but know that’s not the answer.  Any suggestions or words of encouragement.  Am I just  enabling her.  Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Again2 I am happy to meet you and sad for the circumstances. It is not easy to negotiate relationships with adult children with BPD (diagnosed or otherwise). The good news is things can improve and you have come to the right place for help. You asked a great question about enabling. That is something I am working on with my son (24 diagnosed ) also. As I understand it, enabling is doing anything for someone else that they could do for themselves. According to that definition, do you think you are enabling your son? I look forward to hearing more from you. Welcome to the group.

[livednlearned]

Is there an example you feel comfortable sharing with us about how you're using SET?

I find sometimes I have to go straight to seT, with T being a limit that must be set. It can depend on the level of aggression and amount of trust involved. Not just her trust of me, also my trust in myself (that I can and will set the limit).

[wendydarling]

Hello Again2

I'm glad you've joined us for support, welcome to the group  

Always complaining about being sick and unable to work and being disrespected at work.  Doctors say it in their head and have run many tests without finding anything.

I wonder if she's seeing the wrong Dr's as you say your daughter is undiagnosed, yet she's reaching out for help? Just a thought.

Hope you stay with us, support is critical. I found the solutions to my situation here.

WDx

[Only Human]

Hi Again2,

Along with the others, I welcome you to  bpdfamily!

I also have an adult daughter, 25, living at home, not working, and who rages on occasion. The good news, as Faith said, things can get better. When I got here last year I was at my wit's end. Having the support of this amazing community as I learned more about BPD and started applying the skills I learned, I'm thrilled to report that my situation has improved. Now, my daughter rages occasionally. It's not perfect, we are a work in progress, my daughter and I.

I look forward to hearing more from you and how we can best support you.

~ OH