Tired of the late night phone calls and insults

[FaithHopeLove]

So it is 3AM and I am up. Why? DS called. Again. Just to tell me I ruined his life. I get so sick of this. Sometimes I want to stop being so understanding and tell him what an ass he is. Aarrgg

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[once removed]

its 3 am here too...good company 

so what happened? whatd he say? whatd you say?

[FaithHopeLove]

Nothing much happened. First DS called my husband to say he feels horrible because he has no friends. Then he called me and said I ruined his life. Then he hung up. I wonder what would happen if I told him to knock it off already and grow up or something like that. I am getting tired of being so "understanding' all the time
 I feel like telling ds he is full of "it"

[mamabolivia]

Poor you.  Maybe send him a message saying that your phone will be switched off from 10 pm to 7 am and that if he has anything he'd like to discuss he should call between 5 and 7 pm (obvs. hours to be decided by you) and in a reasonable tone. When he calls shouting, being aggressive, etc. calmly say that  you won't talk to him when he's this upset and hang up. He will get the message - it will take a few tries, but he will.

[FaithHopeLove]

That is an idea. This morning I feel literally sick to my stomach. I am so tired of all this. Later I will probably feel better. Just a sad and rainy morning.

[livednlearned]

What do you think of mamabolivia's suggestion to not answer the phone at night?

SD22 calls incessantly and often late at night. I think she feels most abandoned/alone at night and has no way to self-soothe.

[FaithHopeLove]

What do you think of mamabolivia's suggestion to not answer the phone at night?

SD22 calls incessantly and often late at night. I think she feels most abandoned/alone at night and has no way to self-soothe.

I hesitate to turn my phone off at night because it is the worst time for him and I want him to be able to reach out.

[Swimmy55]

Gently I say to you , isn't night time the worst time  for him to call you and complain?  You need your rest, though.  Broken sleep will not help you fight the good fight of dealing with the BPD at  other times. It won't help you to live your best life.   He needs to know that he can't call you when the night time uneasies hit.  You can't prevent a crisis with your son if it's coming- I think that is why we as parents are afraid of putting up boundaries ( I am very guilty of this).  And please watch out for the physical signs of stress ( your being sick to your stomach).  Your body is telling you something.  Stress kills.  Please take care of you. 

[FaithHopeLove]

I am actually in very good health overall. I am fortunate to have a very flexible schedule so I am able to get all the rest that I need. DS does not call every night. Maybe 1 or 2 times a week. What bothered me last night wasn't so much the time he called as the fact he was nasty to me and my husband. I know it is to be expected. I just get sick of it sometimes so I vent here.

[Swimmy55]

OK. No offense meant and glad this isn't a nightly thing for you.

[FaithHopeLove]

No offense taken at all.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders