my adult son; I am starting to feel free

[ford1934]

my 53 year old son has borderline personality disorder.

He has struggled for years an I have been his "rescuers".
I am reading Randi Kreger's books along with others she has suggestd and I feel free to stop trying to FIX him all the time. I am starting to feel FREE.

Anyone out there in the same situation who is farther along?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board!  I am glad you found us.  You are definitely in the right place to talk with others who have been where you are right now.  The good news is that there is hope and things can get better for you.

Can you tell us more about your situation and what your biggest challenge is when coping with your son?

In the mean time, settle in and read and jump into other posts.     I am sure others will be along shortly to welcome you here.

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Ford
I join Harri in welcoming you here. This is a great place to get good information, help, and support. I hope you will stick around. What else can you tell us about your son? Has he been formally diagnosed with BPD? What is your biggest concern right now?

[ford1934]

Yes, he has been diagnosed he has been diagnosed..
He was a police officer for eight years;; he quit and became an airline captain he quit and became an airline captain this went fine until he had a break down emotionally a break down emotionally period  period

I'm dictating this and I don't know why it's repeating.

now he is looking for a job and has been asking me for money.
Several years ago I told him "the bank (me ) is closed. Sounds cruel but I have given him hundred of thousands of dollars over the years.

He just sent me a suicide note which I am now seeing as more manipulation than real. His Psychiatrist agrees and is trying to get his meds stablized.

any suggestions?

[Only Human]

Hi ford1934

Fellow "rescuer" here, although I'm in remission at this moment   

While you may be right about the suicide note being a manipulation, it's tough to tell and I'm learning to always err on the side of caution. Your son's willingness to work with a psychiatrist is a good sign, and it sounds like s/he is aware of the recent suicide note?

As the others have said, you've come to the right place for information and support. We understand better than anyone else ever could what you're going through.

Many of us have had success with the communication tools here on the site, we are learning together to let go, to stop rescuing. You're ahead of the game there, you are FREE

My suggestion is to read all you can about BPD and Randi's books and those she recommends are a great start - it certainly helps to have the knowledge, to know what we're dealing with.  bpdfamily is also chock full of information, clinically responsible articles, workshops, and best of all, others who are traveling a similar journey.

I hope you stick around and keep talking about what's going on, experts will agree that a strong support network is critical when dealing with these intense relationships. We are here for each other. Ask any questions you like, read and post in other's threads, it will help to build that support network.

Again, Welcome to The Family!

~ OH

[Mirsa]

Just saying hi and welcome.

I am definitely free and enjoying every moment of my freedom.  I'm embracing it to it's fullest and it's just wonderful.  Many thanks to my BPD DD18 for moving in with her father six months ago and then going no contact with me.   They have been enjoying hating me ever since and I have been busy getting a new job, promotion, and planning my move away to a new locale...near the beach!   She is safe, with her father, he's finally accepted some parenting duties, and although he sounds a little stressed out lately (no wonder why), I chose to take full advantage of his naivete when he invited her to move in with him.  Little did he know what he was signing up for.  And guess what, apparently all her problems are MY FAULT!  Who knew?  So, perhaps it was a little mercenary of me to take such advantage of his foolishness, but hey, they are both adults.  He knows she is BPD, etc. etc. 

Sorry to sound so irrepressibly gleeful, but the past few years with her have been absolute hell and it's like I've been released from prison and have a whole new lease on life.

Is this what you meant by embracing your freedom?