Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a long while. My story or the Cole's Notes version are here somewhere. My 22 year old daughter is married to a very abusive and volatile man after 6 months of dating. We were isolated from her and his dad is a pastor, has minimized the abuse or put it on her. Since the new year she has been somewhat consistent in our life, as much as he allows. We did extend kindness to him. allowed him in our home but after 4 times of hurting her emotionally, physically, we said no more. He is not welcome in our home. We have an 11 year old daughter as well. Our daughter has respected that for know and attempted to keep us in her life. Primarily when she is angry with him. We are putting fires out constantly it seems and we are the best parents in the world. She talks smack about him and his family. It's exhausting. While this has been going on, her church or elders in her church have been counselling them both. Their advice is to cut off ties with her family ( Leave and Cleave) and seek no worldly council. She went to the Women's Crisis Shelter one evening. This was a big No No. The last draw ( I Hope) for our daughter was they told her already abusive husband that if she gets in his face, he can give her a little smack in the mouth. My husband works in the same building as this man...he clarified all this to my husband as we didn't know if our daughter was embellishing. Pretty Sad, unethical and scary.
Now, she's going to her in laws for counselling. That should be pretty unbiased They admitted they could do nothing with their son but somehow expect our BPD daughter to handle their abusive, emotionally immature lying son ….These are their own words.
Well, they have been married 6 months today. It has been 6 months, no a year of hell. Up until a week before their wedding we were dealing with my terminally ill mom. She passed away a week before this wedding. We had no intention of attending anyways and didn't. Don't even get me started on my daughter calling the police on me a day after my mom died.
Flash forward to last night. So it's been a 2 week cycle for the last few months. Every 2 weeks they have a blow up. Police are called, trips to hospital, suicide threats and we go running. She's angry, she wants us. They make up, we are not cut off but one word answers. Last night, she sends me a picture, on it is a positive pregnancy test. Birth Control gave her a reaction. her emotions are what caused all the issues the last few months. He has been given a new slate. It's all her. The best was her saying "We are really the Gilmore Girls now Mom", " He will change now" such a lala land. and she rewrote our history again. A few weeks ago she remembered she had a great childhood, now for 22 years I have been a blubbering cow who makes her uncomfortable and she couldn't call me to tell me about the baby because of that.
I was a good mom. This past year, a blubbering cow for sure.
I don't want to get attached. I don't want to get my hopes up when she shows moments of clarity, I don't want this child to be used as a pawn which I fear it already has.
Push/Pull, lies, abuse.
What do I do here? I feel myself shutting down from her.
