I feel like I just cannot continue contact at all

[Smile41869]

Hi everyone! It’s been a while! I’ve been lurking but for the first time in a long time I have to ask.

Have you ever come to a point you just *have to* go NC?

There’s been no major issues or changes in my mother’s behaviour.. but after having a month overseas and the peace of not having her in my ear, I’ve realised suddenly that I just don’t have it in me to keep up the fakery, the niceness and the energy required for false pleasantries with her anymore. I want my space and my life - for the first time in my life I just can’t keep up the false pretences!

Now I know there will likely be consequences. My mother is a waif so she will likely create some crisis for attention. I’ve already had countless calls and texts and each time I just say I’m too busy. I know I can’t put her off forever...

What have you done previously when you just don’t have the energy for LC anymore? It’s a never ending dance. I just want to be left alone.. my only thought is to put up with one more call and then lie and say I’m overseas again. It’s not ideal but I know she couldn’t ever live with the truth. 

Thank you!

[Libra]

Hi Smile41869 

It is a thin line between staying LC with healthy boundaries and keeping up false pretences, isn't it? 

Is there anything you could do to stop the fakeness and be your authentic self when in contact with your mother?
Granted, that would still cost a lot of energy, because you want those boundaries to be strong!
It is wholly your own personal choice whether you want to keep putting in that energy or not.
Either way you choose is okay.

I am wondering though how lying about your whereabouts is any less fake?
What do you fear would happen  if you were to tell your mother you wanted to go NC for a while?

I am also a frequent lurker. But it still helps tremendously to post about your own personal issues.
Remember, we are here to listen and support you too! 

Libra.

[Harri]

Hi.  Welcome back out of lurker mode... I think you should do it more often!  

NC, LC and full contact are all so difficult.  All of them have consequences.  It is okay if you want to take a break.  

What have you done previously when you just don’t have the energy for LC anymore?

I used boundaries, which apply to any level of contact you may choose even NC.  

I want my space and my life - for the first time in my life I just can’t keep up the false pretences! Have you found the false pretenses helpful in terms of long lasting change in you and the way you cope or with your mom's behaviors?

Like Libra, I too am wondering what you fear will happen is you go NC or even start setting boundaries rather than using false pretenses and avoidance.

Talk with us.