Oregon high conflict lawyer?

[Salty Seahorse]

Hi all, 20 plus years into this marriage I finally see the light, and a train. I'm jumping tracks and looking for a lawyer.for guidance. I'm in southern oregon. The NPD is still in the house, we haven't talked for a couple weeks. He was stonewalling me for whatever crime I committed against him, but I have continued it, which he is starting to getback nervous about. I can tell as he will now also wash my fork along with his dishes, rather than set it aside.

He is an immigrant from Germany, managed to stay here since the late 80's. He tested and applied for citizenship about a year ago, still waiting as current admin is not very I'mm grant friendly.

I own a whale watching business in Hawaii, that we grew together. When I told our manager that i am looking to start divorce proceedings, but doing so may jeopardize (will it?) his citizenship, and if he doesn't get it he also won't get his captain license, etc. And he may have to go back to Germany and no longer have his boat maintaining role in company, she was relieved! I did not expect that... I guess I believe he is important and special as he thinks he is.

She pointed how unreliable and split personality he is to the biz as well, and how it is dragging it under...

Three kids in marriage, they are all grown and mine from, ha, previous BPDs it seems
Anyhow, looking for a lawyer fluent in dealing with NPD/BPD that can work in Jackson County Oregon, Thank you...

[ForeverDad]

Have you looked at avvo.com for your area?  Be prepared that not all who claim they can handle high conflict divorces really can do that.  If they claim they always get settlements and mediation to succeed, be skeptical.  While settlements can be reached, it usually takes slugging it out in court hearings and perhaps even a trial.

Best to seek a few legal consultations before deciding on which lawyer to choose.  One valid question, don't be timid, "If you were facing a high conflict divorce, who would you choose?"  Lawyers should know they won't get every person who walks in the door as a client.

If the children are grown, then at least there won't be custody claims to complicate things.

Don't fix his life for him.  (Besides, you can't fix things for him anyway.)  If after all these years he hasn't tried to seek citizenship, that's on him.  Sounds like the partner won't fret over him either.  It is what it is.  Sounds like he will have to face a variety of long-delayed consequences.  He's an adult, let him deal with them.  Can you accept that perspective going forward?

[livednlearned]

You may find this article helpful when selecting a lawyer:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270440.msg12566140#msg12566140

Also, Splitting by Bill Eddy is helpful. You're fortunate to not have to worry about custody but the overall gist of how the family law system and mental illness work together can be helpful.

This one is also helpful:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271911.msg12580077#msg12580077

If you're trying to find lawyers experienced with personality disorders, you could try searching for "parental alienation" and "high-conflict divorce." Those are two keywords that tend to go with our kinds of divorces.

Also, this site is super helpful. People here changed my life and helped me communicate better with my lawyer so I was effective and got the results I wanted.