Internetdude99
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: July 11, 2019, 09:50:35 PM » |
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I'll try to keep this short but there are a lot of details I'll leave out unless asked for. I need advice, specifically to find what's real in my BP spouse's complaints and what's not.
Long story short, We've been married for a few years. Love my spouse to death. First two years were really rough. However, because we are Christians, we both fight for eachother and fight to grow. I believe it is because of her faith and obedience to God that she has grown and not been stagnant in her BPD. And keeping this short so leaving out details, but she doesn't even know she has BPD.
To my question. It is 100% true my spouse has been through a ton in the past year. Young children at home, death in the family pregnancy, drama with family, unreliable friends. However, I feel that she uses these things as a crutch to blame the difficulties on me. What I believe to be the truth is we are sharing the burden, but because the death was on her side, it's been obviously harder for her.
It's been a few weeks since the death. We have young children at home. I work, she is a stay at home mom. Well, when I get home i am normally very exhausted due to a super tough work situation. She knows this. She expects help with the young children. And cleaning. I totally agree that should not all be on her.
What I am trying to do is give all I can, but not so much I deny myself and start to feel resentful, or overly exhausted. I often feel at my tipping point. However, due to recent events, it's been hard on both of us and our output is super low. My way of dealing with it is to just let things slide temporarily until we get back on track, for example, eat out more, let home be dirty longer, less time with children and let them play alone more, etc. However, she doesn't want to do this. She wants to keep the standards the same, I just feel our capacities are not there at the moment. There is too much external pressures.
On top of that, I always agree to watch the kids when she asks. I always agree to clean whatever she wants. But she has an unspoken expectation. I'll ask if she needs anything from me and she will say no, then an hour or two later be upset with me that I haven't cleaned or helped with kids. She admits i am helping, but says it isn't enough. When I say what is it you want me to do, She says she shouldn't have to ask.
I feel like I'm giving all i can for this point in time. When I try to explain what I've said above, she says she doesn't like how I watch the kids (I am normally on phone or watchingTV, occasionally getting involved with them-she is almost always playing with them when she watches them, which is a super high standard for hours on end). She says it's an excuse not to clean.
I feel like I dont have enough time to myself, enough time to my friends, and we also don't have enough time alone for date night. She also feels this way. My solution is to get a babysitter once a week, but she said she doesn't like the idea of me leaving our kids with a stranger for once a week and is afraid I am emotionally distancing myself from our kids. She is ok with it, but wants to do a babysitter for less time (about two hours a week)
The other issue is that I feel like I have practically no time to my hobbies. I am afraid to ask for time alone, especially in light of what's been said above. But I would totally watch the kids for a couple hours for her if I could have that same, or even less, time to myself. And we NEED a babysitter so we can have that time together.
Any thoughts ?
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