I'm in bad shape this morning. I woke up at 3, and it's now a little before 7.
I have C-PTSD, and it has been triggered big time by this divorce. Bad enough I had to see my STBX yesterday, but I had to listen to the lawyer for my father-in-law portray me as a money-grubbing gold digger, who has no incentive to settle (which totally ignores what my FIL is asking of me), and I had to listen to my STBX's lawyer actually lie about me, maintaining that I had a $35,000 Money Market account that I could use to pay for the divorce.
My current lawyer wants me to concur with her getting off the case, which will then leave me with no lawyer and no way to hire one. What kind of lawyer is going to want to litigate if I can't pay?
I'm not even thinking straight right now. I know when the PTSD is kicking in because I can't sleep and I forget to eat.
My STBX's lawyer started yelling at me outside the courthouse,
telling me I could walk away today with a check for $X,XXX,XXX:
"Why won't you just settle? Take the check and stop blogging about them (FIL and all his unnamed family members)"
I screamed back at her that the FIL wanted a non-disparagement clause that covered all his
family members. "No," I screamed. "No. Non disparagement."
Luckily, I had a friend with me who pulled me away.
But now? Here's where I'm at. I can settle and agree not to write my own
story, which will kill me (I mean that literally. Writing is how I stay sane and grounded, and I'm good at it, and the way I'm looking at this is my FIL wants to take that from me.). Or what I can do is not settle and represent myself against people who are so friggin' rich they have their own foundation, so rich they buy million dollar homes for cash. How in the world can I represent myself against that kind of money?
Settling for the prenup is not an option because they are still requiring the non-disparagement.
Like I said, I've been triggered, and I feel like I'm dying.
TMD
