Just figuring things out

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am not sure where to start.  My aunt convinced me to read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells," and for the first time in my life I could pinpoint the crazy, mean, eccentric behavior of my family.  I believe, based on this book, that my father has BPD as do 3 of my four siblings.  My Mom had to learn to cope with my father throughout their marriage and my brother who is a farmer working along side my Dad every day has also developed a coping type of personality.  I have known my whole life how different my family was, but this is the first time I have been able to identify the cause.  In order to escape the crazy behavior of my family and "no future" (I was told at a young age that the "girls" in the family would need to marry as their was no money for college.  Consequently I married an eligible bachelor farmer down the road by age 19.  He was 32.  I jumped from the frying pan into the fire and endured 28 years of a crazier family than mine.  I am now remarried to a wonderful man from a wonderful family, but still feeling the effects and bearing the brunt of being the one to escape the craziness of my family.  I could use some advice and support.  I still feel like I am drawn in to the craziness, and I want to be free.

[Tulip63]

I am not sure where to start.  My aunt convinced me to read the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells," and for the first time in my life I could pinpoint the crazy, mean, eccentric behavior of my family.  I believe, based on this book, that my father has BPD as do 3 of my four siblings.  My Mom had to learn to cope with my father throughout their marriage and my brother who is a farmer working along side my Dad every day has also developed a coping type of personality.  I have known my whole life how different my family was, but this is the first time I have been able to identify the cause.  In order to escape the crazy behavior of my family and "no future" (I was told at a young age that the "girls" in the family would need to marry as their was no money for college.  Consequently I married an eligible bachelor farmer down the road by age 19.  He was 32.  I jumped from the frying pan into the fire and endured 28 years of a crazier family than mine.  I am now remarried to a wonderful man from a wonderful family, but still feeling the effects and bearing the brunt of being the one to escape the craziness of my family.  I could use some advice and support.  I still feel like I am drawn in to the craziness, and I want to be free.

[JNChell]

Hi, Tulip63. Welcome to  bpdfamily. I’m sorry for what has led you to this community, but very glad that you’ve found us. You’ll find a lot of support here and we “get it”. 

It sounds like your childhood was quite an experience. Enduring BPD isn’t an easy thing. Especially when there are several disordered people in the mix. It doesn’t get much lonelier than that. It’s great that you have an aunt that understands. What were you able to take away from the book?

BPD along with a grocery list of disordered behaviors can be multigenerational if the family dynamic isn’t realized. You’ll notice while interacting here that a common theme has been one of one or two people that come from situations like yours have done exactly what you’re doing. We’ve identified a problem and we’re deciding to make some changes. That takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself.

Please don’t beat yourself up over your first marriage. It’s very, very common for people from disordered families to eventually find themselves in one of their own. It’s what we were taught growing up. It’s what we know. We were groomed for it. It’s great that you were able to remove yourself from that and eventually find a soft place to fall. You mentioned that you’re still feeling some negative residual stuff. Is this from your first marriage, your FOO (Family Of Origin) or both? What types of feelings have you been having? We’re glad you’re here. How can we help?