Having a competent lawyer is a must

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My mother with BPD passed away this summer. My two surviving siblings have BPD. It was looking like the settling of the small estate my mother left was going to turn into a terrible battleground. Today I have spoken with the lawyer who helped mom make out her will and is supervising my brother, the executor. The lawyer made it clear to me that her job is to make sure that my brother follows the law when settling the estate, and she has come up with some really good solutions to make sure I don't get stuck in a long term legal battle with my siblings. Just wanted to share, as this may be helpful to those of us dealing with disordered family members.  

[zachira]

My mother with BPD passed away this summer. My two surviving siblings have BPD. It was looking like the settling of the small estate my mother left was going to turn into a terrible battleground. Today I have spoken with the lawyer who helped mom make out her will and is supervising my brother, the executor. The lawyer made it clear to me that her job is to make sure that my brother follows the law when settling the estate, and she has come up with some really good solutions to make sure I don't get stuck in a long term legal battle with my siblings. Just wanted to share, as this may be helpful to those of us dealing with disordered family members.  

[MeandThee29]

I agree. I did quite a bit of checking around and interviewed five before I picked. I've hired lawyers before for other things, so I knew that it was all about their personality, values, and expertise.

Absolutely no regrets. I just wish it would settle one of these days, but that's not my attorney's fault at all. It's the nature of these types of divorces.

[ForeverDad]

I can share my experience, evidently something simple can slip everyone's attention.

My parents' deed originated some 70 years ago, long before the "survivorship" deeds existed.  They were married for some 65 years, so death was what ended their marriage.  However, they rewrote their original deed a half dozen times over the years as they split off parts of their property to the children.  My piece was one of the last a couple decades ago.  No lawyer ever mentioned considering a change to a survivorship deed.  (In my mind that should have been a lawyer's responsible required advice as they got older and older.)  Of course us kids didn't notice.

Well, dad died about 5 years before mom, the house was their only asset.  Once both were gone we had to follow her will.  Oops, that's when we learned dad's "estate" had to be filed for the sole purpose to shift his interest in their home to her as spouse.  Expense, delay, aggravation.  If only they had long before changed to the survivorship deed...

And yes, one of the heirs is evidently Borderline and caused a few years of delay too, simply through inaction and foot dragging.