I’m leaving and need support

[Karalot]

Hello,
I’ve been in a relationship with someone with BDP. She is not diagnosed and has not seeked help. I’ve had what’s felt like a target on my back for three years. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding but the ongoing emotional and verbal abuse has left me feeling small and broken. I’ve endured the depression and worthlessness my partner felt, mood swings, sabotage, blame and so much criticism. Now after ending things several months ago, the target has remained on my back and the sabotage of our friendship is ongoing. I fell like I’m watching be someone completely different to everyone else and cold, mean and distant to me. It’s just breaking me.
Please help

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

One of the frustrating aspects of this disorder is that it affects "intimate" relationships.

From that point of view, you can understand how it appears to affect other more casual relationships completely different.

People here at bpdfamily "get it", because we have been through the weirdness.

Can you share a specific example and perhaps we can get you pointed in the right direction?

Best,

FF

[Karalot]

my ex and I have tried to maintain a friendship. She wants me in her life when it works for her. She is a fitness trainer. I’ve supported her over the past few years during her process of leaving a gym job and starting her own business. Obviously, that was a difficult time. I dealt with her deep depression, worthlessness, self shaming. Always feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. I was at her classes when only one or two people showed up , but wanted to provide support. I’ve introduced my friends and neighbors to her class. That’s a small bit of the background.
Two weeks ago she reached out wanted sex. I told her I’d be ok getting lunch. So we did. She proceeded to sabotage the lunch. Criticizing any conversation, hating the pizza, eventually ending in anger because she couldn’t fit the leftovers in a to go box, walking out. The anger continued in and episode of road rage. She later was embarrassed and felt ashamed in a text to me. I just listened and held space. The next day she was ill and wanted me to take care of her. I did.
The next few weeks she was distant. She ultimately excluded me from the group fitness holiday party she was hosting at her house. She asked weeks ago if I was available, then said she wasn’t having it, then I find out she is but excluded me. It just broke me.
I’ve always been there for her.

[Cat Familiar]

Your title indicates you are leaving, but in the meantime it appears that you still will have some contact with her. For that reason I’m moving your thread to the Bettering board. There you will learn strategies that will minimize conflict and reduce tensions, as you begin to unwind yourself from this friendship.