Recently diagnosed

[Harvester]

Hello,

My adult daughter was recently diagnosed.  I live in a different state than she does.  I sent her the name of a book I like about BPD via text and she asked me to stop communicating with her.  Is this to be expected?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Has she ever cut off communication with you before?

Getting a diagnosis can be overwhelming and increase vulnerability. Maybe she wasn't ready for your kind gesture and so put a perimeter around herself while she sorts out what the dx means for her.

Do you feel comfortable sharing the circumstances that led to her diagnosis?

Glad you found this board. It can be confusing trying to understand BPD and what that means for our relationships with loved ones who suffer from it.

[Harvester]

Thank you for your feedback.  She has been distant before, but never totally cut me out.  I can see that this site helps many, but I am not comfortable sharing more details at this time.   

[Harvester]

Needing some love.  I don’t think I was a bad parent.  My two daughters were always my priority. 

[livednlearned]

It's believed by many researchers and doctors that BPD has a genetic or biological component to it.

An exceptionally sensitive personality will experience injuries to his or her inner, unconscious self more profoundly than someone less sensitive. To parent someone with that kind of sensitivity requires specific communication and relationship skills that are not intuitive and must be learned.

Acceptance and change is a good mantra for many of us. We did the best we could and we can always do better.  

There are many amazing parents on this board who have BPD children.

It's a good team  

[Harvester]

Thank you Livednlearned,

I am willing and able to learn and change.  However, currently I am angry that I didn’t know of this illness sooner.  We were in counseling and tutoring in her junior high years. 

Also, I am currently paralyzed by the fear that I may not get the chance to do better for a very long time, if ever.  The uncertainty is unbearable.

I know this is not her fault, and it is not my fault.  But this knowledge doesn’t ease the pain.