Preparing to kick suicidal BPD sibling from home. Any suggestions?

[sleeplessnseattl]

My BPD, suicidal trans sister has been living with me for the last 2 years. She has a wide range of mental health issues including eating disorders, PTSD, physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Her BPD type is the helpless waif. She can’t obtain or hold a job. I thought that if I could just keep giving and taking care of her needs (i.e. paying for everything, home, phone, food, bills, etc.) that she would put forth the effort to get a job and start taking charge of her life. But I’ve come to realize she doesn’t care about her life. She has no desire to do things for herself. She has no sense of self or self-worth. She won’t talk to anyone in our family, she won’t see a therapist, or take/stay on medication consistently. She’s been voluntarily and involuntarily committed twice this year. And I just can’t take care of her anymore. It utterly breaks my heart.

I’ve been working with a codependency therapist myself for a couple weeks and I’m getting ready to tell her that when my lease is up in 2 months, I’m moving out and she can’t come with me. She has no money, no friends, no family, and no job. I’m absolutely terrified of what’s going to happen. But I can’t keep doing this. I’m really scared that she will actually kill herself this time. She threatens it a lot, but this is different.

Has anyone had experience with having to look a suicidal BPD loved one in the eye and say, “I can’t take care of you anymore. You have to go. You can’t live with me.” ? I feel really alone.

[Spindle0516]

Hi sleepless! 

I understand where you are at more than I can ever explain. My MIL lives with my husband and I, and after being  hospitalized for what we thought was a suicide attempt last fall (long story), we have now decided that she can no longer live with us. Our lease is ending soon too, so we have told her that she cannot continue to stay.

There are a few threads on here started by me detailing how we have gone about this, but I don't know how to link to them. What I can say is that I understand how hard and scary it is!

We have legitimate concerns about her abilities to handle herself solo- she is 61 and has never lived alone or without assistance. We have ultimately decided to take it one step at a time and we are planning for the fallout as thoroughly as possible.

Do you have a plan in place as to how you are going to approach this? We can also help you come up with a way to approach this in the healthiest way possible and how to handle the aftermath.

Do you know of any community supports that you can reach out to to support your sister? We have plans to utilize a home health aid and a few other supports should she prove unable to care for herself rather than us doing everything for her.

It is just the 2 of you? No other family at all?

There is so much information here to help you navigate this and with more information we can also help you navigate this process.

You are truly, truly not alone. We are here for you 

[pursuingJoy]

Hi sleepless  I want to join Spindle in welcoming you. You really are not alone. So many people here are navigating similar relationships.

My story is a little different but I really get what it feels like to love someone who is suicidal. Last week my 16 year old daughter, who was hospitalized for SI a while back but is doing better, said, "No medication, no amount of therapy, no person around me, including you, mom, could make me care about myself. You have to find that will to care inside of you."

Maybe this is an opportunity for things to shift in a different direction. Please know we're here and we want to support you.