Your significant other and money

[Trobert]

My wife makes way more money than I due to her line of work, although she doesn't like her work, and she has been studying for another line of work that she seems to prefer. With all of this extra money she is earning, she has way more expenses primarily due to her daughter who does work part-time.

Throughout the years, I have paid for the essentials, such as mortgage, insurance, regular bills, and even long term care insurance.

While she acknowledges that I am paying for these things, when it comes to taxes, she complains to me that I am not paying supposedly my fair share of the taxes, money that she is earning mostly for her daughter's rent. Well, at the end of each month, there is very little left, and I just have enough to go to a movie almost once a week.

When I bring up the above facts that she doesn't repute whatsoever, she still complains that I chose the wrong profession, because I essentially am not able to contribute more than I have. BTW, I teach and tutor 6 days a week. She is also the one who resents that she needs to pay for her daughter's rent. BTW, I have contributed almost 80% of her daughter's college expenses due to my putting away a lot of money for about 17 years.

My parents argued so very much about money, and my wife realizes that I won't get into arguments with her about money. I just share the fact that I pay for a majority of the bills. Needless to say, this situation has created a lot of friction and a lot of stress that she feels and that I feel.

How do you folks handle your significant other when it comes to money?

[Cat Familiar]

It's a difficult subject, even with emotionally healthy couples.

Remember, feelings equal facts in the BPD world, and just because you are well equipped with real facts about how much you contribute, it doesn't seem to sway her.

Perhaps you might address her possible resentment about paying her daughter's rent. Is the daughter still in school?

[Trobert]

Her daughter is still in school for about 2 1/2 years more. My wife feels obligated to her daughter to make up for my wife's loss of her older daughter 21 years ago. So, there is guilt and over-compensation that are being involved in her decisions, although at the same time, she is resentful for paying so much.

[Jetta]

Late to the party here, but money is a big issue with me and my H. I prefer budgeting, saving, financial planning, and am big on delayed gratification, whereas my husband gets overwhelmed at the thought of money management and just wants to put his head in the sand, buy what he wants, and hope for the best.

I manage our finances, do financial planning, the budgeting, bill payments, etc. We have three accounts. A household account and then a discretionary account for H and me.

We each have a monthly 'allowance' that goes into our discretionary accounts, and we can spend our discretionary on anything we want. No need to clear it with the other person. I did that so H can have some autonomy, but is limited on how much he can spend so our financial security isn't put at risk.