Did I do the right thing?

[Carguy]

Hi group!

For those who may not have read my previous posts, my ex BPD and I have been together four years with quite a few recycles. Last November after pushing me away again she told me we were just friend and she wanted limited contact and when I asked about dating she said to go live my life.

I dated another girl for a couple of weeks and ever since things are completely different between us. She is very angry and has been ever since. A few times she seems to soften a little bit and then goes right back to being cold again.

A while back I told her she could keep a couple of her vehicles on my property since she has nowhere for them. In the recent past she has asked a few times since our communication has been poor and with all this between us if it was still okay or she needed to move them. I kept telling her that I was keeping my word and letting her keep them there.

Last Saturday evening I pulled into Walmart and when I pulled out of the parking lot I seen her vehicle parked next to some guys truck. He was standing at the back of his truck and she was trying to hide from me between the two vehicles. I left.

Monday I ran to Wal-Mart to get some lunch and when I passed her parked vehicle when I was parking I seen a large bouquet of roses in the seat. To me, this confirms that she is moving on with someone else.

At that point I started feeling used. I felt like why am I keeping her vehicles for her when she is moving on with someone else? I sent her a text and told her I needed her to remove her belongings from my property in the next two weeks and to let me know when she can do that. She text back I said okay. Thanks for giving her a time frame.

Last year I had a mama cat give birth to kittens and we kept two of them for her and her kids. I have been taken care of them this whole time. I was thinking of telling her that she needs to take them or I will keep them as my own. I am trying to cut all reasons for her to contact me at this point but now I am questioning whether I'm doing the right thing? I don't want to make things worse between us but in the same turn I don't think it is fair to me either.

I would love for things to work out between us and be different but right now I am hurting. I regret going out with that other girl because I feel it destroyed any hope here. At the time I didn't think she wanted much to do with me so I reluctantly agreed to go out with this girl. We knew each other in high school a little bit and talked about old times. After a couple of weeks she went back to her ex because she was not over him and I really wasn't over my ex. Even when I was with this other girl my ex was on my mind. I should not have moved on so fast when I was not over her.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Carguy

For me, being separated now for almost two and a half years after living together for ten years, I am in much the same boat.
He left 90% of his things at our house.

I could go on and on w similarities.

Even the cat thing.

So, what I have finally gotten to, is, what do I want.  Who do I want in my life.

I was so unclear and mixed up, hurt, sad, dysfunctional.

I guess another thing is, I don't know.

I don't know how things will turn out.

So much of what happens on my life I want assurances.

In these times, I can not get assurances.

I guess also, just go about my life and not forcing.  Not forcing. 
Open palm.  Butterfly lands.

Hold on loosely.

Open palm.

[Carguy]

Thanks Amback!

People have told me that her leaving stuff at my house and having kitties there is her way of keeping some sort of connection to me in case she wants to reconnect. I've been told they don't want to be with you (for now) but don't want to lose you in the same turn.

Much like you were, I'm sad, hurting, confused, and dysfuntional. This is one of the hardest times in my life.

I don't know how things will turn out here as well. I hope for the best. She is coming to get her vehicles today and said she can't take her kitties so they're mine. She's bringing her friends (and I'm thinking possibly a new boyfriend) to help her. I left and my ex-wife (one of my closest friends) agreed to be there while they removed them. My aunt who lives next door said she would come out and be there as well.

I too would love assurance but I know there is none. It is hard but I too need to not force. I am just staying out of sight this weekend then moving on to living my life. That's all I can do I think.

I wrote up a letter in my notebook and have added things here and there I want to tell her. Tell her this us the last text I will send and how I do love and care and I'm not trying to be a jerk but doing this so she can move on fully from me. How her kids are amazing and I truly love them and will miss them. To give them a big hug for me. How when I hung out with this other girl it was only two weeks and neither of us were over our exes and how we never actually were a couple, and I wish her the best and hope she finds someone that truly treats her good. Stuff like that. I'm still debating if I will text it to her.

[juju2]

Hi Car

all I read says do not send that stuff...

So much of me wants to be understood.

I have the St Frances of Assisi prayer at work.

May I understand, rather than be understood.


So much of this journey is about me becoming a spiritual Jedi master.

The journey is random. Not linear.

[Carguy]

Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just remain silent. So much of me wants to share this with her in hopes that it will reverse the damage and she'll stop painting me black but then I'm not sure she would read it. Honestly I think she might out of curiosity.

I think right now she has painted me very black. I also wonder if she isn't upset and not sure what to think since I'm cutting reasons for her to contact me. Part of the upset because I'm cutting ties and part because she had to sell the one truck body because she doesn't have a place to keep it. Also because she can't take her kitties so I'm keeping them.

I truly wish things were different and want to do the right things that will help us get back to a place of at least friendship.