I am at a loss on how to help my child

[Justsilver]

My teenager received a preliminary diagnosis of BPD in February.  He had just finished a two week program where he was partially hospitalized. The current crisis has spent him on a downward spiral.  I feel helpless and very alone.  Not sure what to do to help him.  He sleeps all day, up all night, refuses to attend online classes, has done little homework, eats one meal a day and is so angry at me.   I need more resources and people that I can talk with who are in a similar situation. Thanks for reading. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bandiro]

Hi Justsilver,
I am in a similar situation. Unfortunately I don’t have any answers on how to make things better, but I certainly understand what you are going through. My D18 struggles with getting her college work done - not because she Isn’t capable,  but because she has absolutely no motivation to do it. The switch to online actually worked in her favor - she could get her work done at her own pace and didn’t have to “show up” for class - something she really struggled with when at college. With a lot of coaxing and prodding (which she hates), and a monetary reward dependent on keeping her scholarship, she managed to finish the semester with very good grades. Not sure that would have happened if she was still at school.

She also stays up all night and sleeps all day. Other parents on this board have mentioned that too. Not sure why that is a common thing with BPD. My D is also very angry at me and blames me for everything. It is a so frustrating as a parent to see someone with so much potential just completely stall in life. I keep hoping things will get better as she matures, but I understand that with BPD that doesn’t always happen. I know life will always be harder for her compared to the average person, but I hope with therapy (which she refuses to attend right now) she will better learn to navigate the world and not let her BPD completely hold her back.

There are many great resources on this site, and lots of parents that know exactly what you are going through. 1 book that has been recommended a lot is “Stop Walking on Eggshells”. I haven’t read it yet though. I wish you the best with your son.

[Modesty68]

Hello Justsilver!
I am also new in this forum today, with at daughter (20) with BPD as well as eating disorders and OCD. We are in a bit of a crisis, because the treatment place she was waiting for 5 months, turned her down due to her eating disorder.
What keeps me up is 1) listening to charlie swensons podcasts "To Hell and Back" while walking my dog, 2) texting fun or inspiring messages to my daughter, sometimes also about a mutual "enemy" - to try to support our relation and 3) talking with some friends.
The friend-thing is odd, because my regular friends, the ones I have had the most contact with the last ten years, are not at all the ones that are getting a grip of the situation. So instead I have found others, people that have been out of my life for a long time, but their interest in mental health problems or their general insight in humans is really important. Best of luck to You!

[Louski]

Justsilver,
Im sorry to hear about what you and your son are going through. I know exactly what it’s like. My D18 was diagnosed on her birthday after years of struggling and she has only gotten worse because we had to wait so long for a proper diagnosis. Be so thankful you got a preliminary diagnosis because now you can choose the right resources for your sons treatment.
Over the years my daughter spent months at a time staying up all night and sleeping all day. School basically went by the way side after grade 9 despite her attempts to attend an alternate school once in a while.
I wish I had an answer for you but I don’t other than to say you are not alone, make sure you practice self care, get yourself a therapist, and keep on fighting to find the right help for your son. As his mom you know what he needs. This forum has helped me a lot. Reading other parents posts helps me feel less alone in this battle. It’s such an isolating illness because it is so misunderstood and I find even family members very judgmental of my daughter so I don’t share too much with them.
I hope you have found some help since posting. I wish you the best.

[Modesty68]

Hello again Justsilver,

also wanted to give you a pair of other tips:

There is this family education programme called Family Connections. I live in Europe, but found out that it is possible to sign up for a telecommunications version, and I just did that. I am registered and waiting for my turn!

When the programme answered me, they sent the link to a free webinar series BPD Patient an Family Education presented by McLean Hospital. I haven't yet had the time to watch the webinars, but the topics look really interesting!