I am waiting for a bad cycle to arise

[Spuddiesmom]

Hi.  I am new to this site.  Actually I have never been part of a BPD support group and this seems like something that will be very helpful.  My son has suffered from BPD since his early 20s.  He is 46 now.  He has a family and a good job... for now.  Over two years ago he left a very good position that he had for 15 years.  He was up for a promotion to a position he wanted very much. He was able to keep his condition managed while at work but his personal life was not so well managed over those same years.  He was on meds that were not working.  He was not seeing a therapist and struggling badly.  When he left his job he cashed in his retirement plan and lived on that for those 2 years.  He and I became estranged for over a year during this time.  He was verbally abusive, ranting and out of control.  I set more serious boundaries than I had set before and he was very angry at me.  He got help last year and also was slowing phased off the med he took, but is not on meds or seeing therapist now.  I love our time with him and his family.  He has meltdowns but they are less often according to his wife.  I read and educate myself as much as I can but I need support form those in the same situation.  My sister has a son who is 17 years younger but has the same condition.  We talk a lot and that helps.  My son doesn’t want to get on meds or get therapy and I am waiting for a bad cycle to arise.  I am scared and worried.  Evan after all these years though, I still have hope.  His life is hard.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Spuddiesmom:
Sorry your son has BPD.  Interesting that your nephew has it as well. Do you think genetics is in play?

 I set more serious boundaries than I had set before and he was very angry at me.

What are a few of the boundaries he became angry with?

I read and educate myself as much as I can but I need support form those in the same situation.    

Is there something in particular going on at the moment?

If you go to the large green band, at the top of the page, you will find a "Tools" menu.  You will find a link there to "Workshops".  You can go shopping within the Workshops & find helpful tutorials.  The only one you can manage is yourself.  By using certain strategies and communication skills, it can help make things better for you.

 He got help last year and also was slowing phased off the med he took, but is not on meds or seeing therapist now.  My son doesn’t want to get on meds or get therapy and I am waiting for a bad cycle to arise.  I am scared and worried.    

You indicate that he was diagnosed in his early 20's.   Did he have DBT therapy? Has he been on meds prior to his more recent course of treatment?  Was there a reason to go off the meds?

[Modesty68]

Hello!

Sounds like you have had a lot of hard years already! It is so hard for the ones with BPD also. For me, with a much younger D, it is nice to hear that it is possible to even get a job and a family with that diagnosis.

You say he was taking meds earlier on. Where I live the don't give meds at all for people with BPD. Do you know what type of meds he has been using? Would be interesting to check out!