Trying to have patience.

[Greenjeep]

Hi, having a low day. I just don't know when you are supposed to keep supporting someone's growth when they have no interest in doing so. My boyfriend has a 19 year old with BPD, and she is years behind and developmental milestones compared to her friends who are all two years younger than her. And I have been with him for seven years, and I thought there would be some growth somewhere. And he is trying his best, but I think I have run out of patience. She is ungrateful, won't get a job, barely graduated. Thank goodness for covid-19. That allowed her to pass, even though her grades were Ds. I feel like I have my life hijacked by someone who doesn't care, honestly enjoys it, and I see no end in sight. This is not my blood, not someone I enjoy being around anymore, and it makes me very sad. Her Dad gives her behavior a lot of excuses. And I have done my best to learn take classes accommodate her behavior, be a good role model, and take my own counseling. But at some point I just feel like an idiot trying to fix my life to accommodate someone with BPD, when they are not trying to grow themselves. When do you no where the line is on healthy boundaries for yourself, and reasonable growth expectations for them? 19 is not 12. He treats her like she should be able to act like a twelve-year-old. And it blows my mind. She has no chores and expects him to buy her everything and I am a single independent woman, and I feel like she is the princess and though I am taking care of myself completely that at some point I should be treated like a queen. that is fair to expect when you are dating a man with a teenager, at some point they are supposed to make room for you. Having someone with BPD shouldn't mean that my life is hijacked too. If she were trying to get better or do more or reach for some Independence or responsibility or even kindness, this would be easier. Thank you for listening. I'm not a horrible person.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi Greenjeep,
 No judgement zone here.   If you are out of patience and that is understandable.  She is now an adult,which is another factor for your consideration.   Are there any areas where you and the Dad are on the same page regarding his daughter?