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I have a 22 year old daughter who began exhibiting signs of a personality disorder around 12, when she started her period. They continued to progress slowly but I didn't know what I was witnessing. She did not start telling me how much she hated me until her early twenties when she went through a significantly traumatic experience but I noticed that she kept me isolated from her life and was very shut down during high school, when it came to our relationship. However, she loved having me involved at her school. She also loved bringing friends into our home when I had specifically asked for some advance notice and then she would say the most humiliating things to me in front of them. Whenever I connected with any of her girlfriends or male friends, she would invariably alienate them from me, to the point where they would suddenly begin avoiding me. She has been dating a boy for nearly 2 years. He is on the spectrum of autism but his case is very mild. She lies constantly about everything so I have no idea what transpires in their Relationship when she stays at his house with his parents. She began cutting, to my knowledge, when she was 19 but she used to push furniture in front of her door to keep my out while she cut. The last two times she cut, it was way worse, deeper and she did it in front of me, ran to the knives in the kitchen, grabbed one and started cutting her arm. She has agreed to get DBT help but never follows through. She gets very violent at times and very destructive so I began locking my bedroom door. I can't begin to count the thousands of dollars she has wasted. I cannot have a decent/normal conversation with her no matter how calm stay...nothing helps. I have just purchased 6 books which I am just beginning to read. I am exhausted and I feel like a total failure as her mother. She has been in therapy since she was a sophomore in high school but she brags about manipulating her therapist. She is currently on her third therapist and due to Covid, she had to have a session at home. I could overhear her talking to her therapist, something I told her right away. I asked her to move somewhere in the house where she could have privacy but I was seething with anger because from the little bit I heard her tell her therapist, it was all lies (from my perspective, probably not hers? I don't know if she even realizes that she is lying constantly). She did finally admit to me that she was embarrassed about having lied about being tested for Covid. This lie went on for weeks, where she was tested, how quickly she got the results back, etc. I need help from people who have gone through this with their children.

[momeeD]

I have a 22 year old daughter who began exhibiting signs of a personality disorder around 12, when she started her period. They continued to progress slowly but I didn't know what I was witnessing. She did not start telling me how much she hated me until her early twenties when she went through a significantly traumatic experience but I noticed that she kept me isolated from her life and was very shut down during high school, when it came to our relationship. However, she loved having me involved at her school. She also loved bringing friends into our home when I had specifically asked for some advance notice and then she would say the most humiliating things to me in front of them. Whenever I connected with any of her girlfriends or male friends, she would invariably alienate them from me, to the point where they would suddenly begin avoiding me. She has been dating a boy for nearly 2 years. He is on the spectrum of autism but his case is very mild. She lies constantly about everything so I have no idea what transpires in their Relationship when she stays at his house with his parents. She began cutting, to my knowledge, when she was 19 but she used to push furniture in front of her door to keep my out while she cut. The last two times she cut, it was way worse, deeper and she did it in front of me, ran to the knives in the kitchen, grabbed one and started cutting her arm. She has agreed to get DBT help but never follows through. She gets very violent at times and very destructive so I began locking my bedroom door. I can't begin to count the thousands of dollars she has wasted. I cannot have a decent/normal conversation with her no matter how calm stay...nothing helps. I have just purchased 6 books which I am just beginning to read. I am exhausted and I feel like a total failure as her mother. She has been in therapy since she was a sophomore in high school but she brags about manipulating her therapist. She is currently on her third therapist and due to Covid, she had to have a session at home. I could overhear her talking to her therapist, something I told her right away. I asked her to move somewhere in the house where she could have privacy but I was seething with anger because from the little bit I heard her tell her therapist, it was all lies (from my perspective, probably not hers? I don't know if she even realizes that she is lying constantly). She did finally admit to me that she was embarrassed about having lied about being tested for Covid. This lie went on for weeks, where she was tested, how quickly she got the results back, etc. I need help from people who have gone through this with their children.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi MommeeD,
It is good your daughter is in therapy.  I am sorry about you having to lock your bedroom at night, but I can definitely relate as I had a similar situation with my adult son.  How often does your daughter do damage to your home?