I am heartbroken.

[EllaMarie]

We moved across country  1.5 years ago to be near my son, his wife and 3 little boys.   We discussed with my so. And daughter and made the decision. We were thrilled to be able to watch these boys grow.   We gave always helped our son and raised him with love and felt we were a strong family. After 3 months of being here my daughter came to visit. He started having a fit because she went to see old friends  once or twice when she was here.  He decided that she was causing problems and wanted him to lose his family. It isn’t and wasn’t t true.  It went from her to me offering to pay for him and her to go to therapy. They went along with his wife. Then after  that he decided it was me and not her. So I went to therapy with him and his wife. I apologized  for stuff I didn’t understand but wanted peace. He took every little thing and twisted it so horribly. Now he is off on his father.  We are confused, heartbroken and worried about the little ones and now we haven’t seen them for 5 weeks.   They love us as much as we love them.   I don’t know how to fix this. We are feeling abused and so broke.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome ,
It is very painful when a loved one starts not making sense.  It is devastating actually, and you have no idea what is going on and what you're dealing with.   You had mentioned therapy..did your son actually try to go alone at any point  and/or get a diagnosis even though  he does appear to have some BPD traits?   

It is especially heartbreaking when grands are involved.  I am sure the grandparents here can chime in . Meanwhile the key is patience, lots of self care  , getting an idea of what you can control and  realizing there is not going to be a quick fix.
~Please continue to read through this forum, take a look at the tools drop down list.
~ Your son is amenable to therapy with various family members.  Could you possibly revisit this with him in order to talk about the grandkids and what he would feel comfortable by way of visits/ facetime/ skype , zoom etc?  I realize this will be shaky as he will most likely change his mind a lot about this and move the line in the sand, but worth a try. 
~ The harsh reality is that you can't fix your son with whatever is going on.  The good news is he at least doesn't seem to shun the idea of going to therapy , even if it initially he is not going for himself, but that is a start.  You can, however, control your reaction to him and take care of yourself in the process.   Some of us here ( like myself) go to our own separate therapists to help navigate the new order of things.   One step at a time.  Please continue to write back . Everything is sliding and changing, but hang tough .