Need help

[Barbara5]

Hi !
Feeling very depressed about my daughter’s (21) condition. 
Although she has been in therapy for a long time and most recently for past year intensively after a month in rehab- I don’t feel she is making progress.  She wants to talk endlessly about her past traumatic events.  I don’t have the patience anymore to keep listening.  I try to use “validating” techniques and then get frustrated.  She keeps saying she has so much to unpack with her therapist.  I feel like ok — unpack and focus on the positive things in your life now— an exciting job and the future ahead.  She dwells in her loneliness and her past.  She refuses to try to make friends locally — lots of insecurities.  But I am her punching bag both mentally and physically. 

She focuses all of it on me — “you should have never had children “ and other hurtful comments.  Although, I know she is suffering I am having trouble listening and getting beaten up also.  No matter what I say - I am either “invalidating” minimizing or something else

Thanks for listening! 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[formflier]

Ugg.."you should never had had children"...that's got to be tough to hear.

I'm so glad you have found us, because I'm convinced we can help you understand and gain patience with this frustrating situation (probably a polite way of saying it...)

Can you share an example of validation you have tried?

https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/validation_slides.pdf

Hopefully these articles will help as well.  I'm interested in your thoughts after you read them.

Best,

FF

[beatricex]

Hi Barbara,
I'm sorry you are going through this.  I can sense your frustration and hear that you're clearly worn out.  I'm sure in these moments you wish another surrogate mother could take over...even if it's a fantasy, it sure sounds like a wonderful thing if it could be...  Besides your honesty about your situation, something that also comes through is how much you care about your daughter's welfare, which is really admirable.

B