Adult son

[Shoes]

My adult son (42) has extreme emotional swings in mood.  He has very poor relationships with women; is manipulative and lies often to family members.  He is currently not speaking to any of us.  His behavior has worsened over last 2 years.  He will not look at his behavior and blames others for whenever he feels wronged by someone.  He is vindictive.

Help!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome Shoes,
 You are not alone .  Does your adult son live with you?  Are you comfortable sharing a bit more?  One fundamental truth I'll pass on to you is while we can't control our adult kids, we do control how we respond/not respond.  You do have power , but it's over you and you are allowed to use it.

[formflier]

I want to join Swimmy55 in welcoming you to the boards.

How long has he be not speaking to you guys?

We all know that eventually...they usually come around and start speaking again.  Perhaps we can help you learn how to have better communications with him.  Interested?

Best,

FF

[Shoes]

My adult son, who is now 42 has shown defiant and difficult behavior since he was about 17.  Over the years, he has made poor decisions and does not take responsibility for the decisions but blames others.  His interpersonal relationships are filled with drama, which includes manipulation, lying, gas lighting.  He can go from being in a good mood to be angry within a minute if something or someone sets him off.  He has been manipulating 2 women for over 2 years and has been playing them off one another.  He worked for my husband, his stepdad and falsified a report and was demoted.  He refused to take the demotion and then was fired.  He texted terrible things to his stepdad and me, saying he wished for my husband to be dead.  I could go on and on...he is now not talking to us because we will no longer help him financially as he took total advantage and never held up his side of the agreement.  My therapist, has never met him but believes he has a personality disorder.  He can be very charming and funny, but can then be vindictive and selfish.

[Swimmy55]

Hi Shoes,
 So it would seem it is a time of silence now and that is ok.  He needs a time out to process that you are not his personal ATM and you need this time out as well.  Click onto my name and you will see my previous posts.  My son hasn't contacted me in a few months due to me not giving him $.  It hurts, but look at it the other way.  If you give the money ( again) what is going to happen (again)?  For something to change, something has to change, so be proud that you made the change.  Our BPD kids need to know enough is enough and what happens if we aren't here any more to bail them out ? 
Glad you are seeing your own therapist .  You're on track ,even if it doesn't feel like it.  I think the biggest hurdle is realizing these progeny of ours are adults and there is nothing we can do to change them . You are not alone.