Daughter come home

[seeksanswers2]

I wish my daughter would come home. I wish that if and when she does, she will not want to argue about every single thing. It cannot be healthy to her to feel the need to defend every subject. Or to overhear a conversation that is about one thing and turn it into a battle ground and no matter what that subject was, turn it into a subject she wants to talk about. The same several subjects, over and over. It is draining.
I wish she would have stopped making those conflicts into "I should have never been born". Oh how it hurts my heart. Her dad and I never said anything about wishing she were never born. We love her. She moved out at 18 years of age, went states away and we worry, worry, worry. Now, at almost 21, things seem to have gotten progressively worse. Recently she blocked her father and I on f/b and that was the last way we had of contacting her, other than through her "friends" that she lives with andt hrough her grandma who is still communicating with her.  How can anyone who Is supposed to love you say that hou're a terrible person like she did? How can I love someone so much it hurts but that person does not seem to notice, to fel, to whatever?
Less than a year ago I went to a psychologist to try to understand all of this and after explaining my situation, it eventually led to me  this website...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

So glad you were led here- welcome!  And kudos for you working with a psych.  Some of us here ( including myself) have our own therapists to help with navigating / making boundaries with our BPD kids, etc.

As much as this hurts, try not to take it personally, as your daughter's brain processes reality different.  Don't judge yourself by her reality.  It is also my personal belief that deep down, people can sense when we love them and are on their side- vibes don't lie.  (I know that sounds new -agey,).  Her brain maybe can't process it, but she can feel your love. 

 I feel your pain about wishing things were different.  Accepting the current hell is a process  that can take years.  I am still trying to accept the reality of my son's illnesses and I am having a hard time with it.  Self care is a way of coping with this and you are off to a good start with reading and being on this forum and therapy.  You could also see a positive in that your daughter is trying independence by living with her "friends" even if you don't approve of them.  Try keeping the focus on yourself and write here any time you have need.